Demented Child
by FFlove190
Summary: Cloud opens his door one day to find... Sephiroth? Nope, it's a little boy. Right...? Randomness and general dementedness. Obsessed Tifa, Barbie for the maid... that kind of stuff. R&R if continuance is what you desire!
1. Look who's here

A/N: This is plain and utter randomness. If you like it! Yay! If not! Boo you. Ahem, this is a demented little fic, and it could possibly be a long one too. But, the reviewer will have to decide upon that.

Chapter name: Looks who's here!

Story summary: It's been a year since METEOR and everyone has returned, or made a new, home. Cloud opens the door to his house one day to find...

Chapter summary: Where all of AVALANCHE went. A mysterious knock.

Rating: PG-13 for mild language and all around demented-ness

Disclaimer: Don't own Final Fantasy VII or any thing mentioned within the game. Squaresoft does. I don't own Jones soda either.

Warnings: Cloud boredom and info

:-$-$-:

Cloud flipped through the television channels. Chocobo racing, Corel's rebuilding, death of ShinRa, destruction of Midgar, and all that crap. It was exactly a year ago when they destroyed Sephiroth and released Holy, there by destroying Jenova and Meteor. He frowned. There wasn't a thing to do. No one would talk to each other today, since they all had promised each other never to speak of the horrible past and do their best to put it behind them. They basically went back home, but then they moved again. AVALANCHE was basically scattered around the globe.

In Costa del Sol, there was Cloud. He lived in Shinra beach house. Barret moved back to Corel and started to rebuild it, occasionally asking Cloud if he would like to fight some fiends with him. Tifa moved to Mideel and helped to restore it to a better glory and opened a bar there. Red III, a.k.a. Nanaki, lived at Cosmo Canyon in the observatory. Cid moved back to Rocket town and resumed the duty of Captain of the town, with Highwind behind his house. Reeve, a.k.a. Cait Sith, moved to Kalm and bought the house near the shops on the left and kept Cait semi operational. Yuffie resumed her materia hunting duties in Wutai. And Vincent returned to the Shinra Mansion in Nibelheim.

He sighed and took another chug of his Fufu berry Jones Soda. He was bored and needed something to keep him moving. Setting the soda onto a table, Cloud started to stretch. His bones cracked. Standing back up, he leaned back, hearing more cracking.

"I wish I had something to keep me moving..." Boy, and who says wishes don't come true? There was a knock on the door. Cloud fell over, surprised by the knock. Everyone in town had agreed not to bother him today, and there hadn't been any tourists today. He sat up and walked to the door. Ankles cracking slightly. "Damn, I need more exercise." He opened the door. A little boy with silver hair and looked about five years old stood there. His mako-green eyes looking up to Cloud.

:-$-$-:

A/N: Yes, yes. It was short. I'm not sure if I should continue or not. If this is someone who has read my bio, you can pretty much guess who it is. If you can't, feh to you. You must review me, tell me if I should continue. Please, send me no flames! I'm not one to destroy stuff, especially stuff written by someone who actually read my stuff. )Sighs( Yes, it was more of an intro to a ver long boring story. )Rolls hands( But... )eyes dart( I'm not like that, I had a hard time writing this. Plus, I'm trying to finish another fic. Well, the ending is a long way off but... efa. People review, and that makes me happy! Please review! ii I'm begging you! Okay, well not begging you... but close.


	2. Who you?

A/N: Thanking Hallowed Shame for reviewing. And for helping me get ideas. We all must cheer for another who survives my e-mails! )Silence( Cheer! )Silence( Cheer, damnit! Or I will rip you to shreds using the Masamune! )Still silence( Okay then... Cheer! Or I will have Sephiroth rip you to shreds with the Masamune )hands Masamune to Sephiroth, mad cheering, rips it out of Sephiroth's hands( my work here is done.

Chapter name: Who you?

Story summary: It's been a year since METEOR and everyone has returned, or made a new, home. Cloud opens the door to his house one day to find...

Chapter summary: Introduction of the small one, Cloud gets very confused.

Rating: PG-13 for mild language and all around demented-ness

Disclaimer: Don't own Final Fantasy VII or any thing mentioned within the game. Squaresoft does. I don't own Jones soda either.

Warnings: Cloud stupidity and utter cuteness... Aww, he's so cute! Just needs his sword and he will be the cuteness that destroys the world!

Another A/N: Heh, people actually read these things. Heh. That's funny.

:-$-$-:

Cloud blinked down on the silver head. The small boy put a finger to his mouth and got a pouty look on his face. Cloud took a step back from the little boy. Slowly, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his PHS. He looked down at the phone in his hand, then he stuffed it back into pocket. Having no idea why he pulled it out in the first place. He squatted down next to the boy and was eye level with him.

"What's your name?" he didn't smile. No, he's not _that_ nice. But, he is slightly nice. The little boy blinked at the ex-SOLDIER.

"Sephiroth." he still had the pouty look upon his face. Cloud blinked and sighed. This was probably another one of the little kids that had gotten lost from his mother while playing pretend. Why did they always end up on his doorstep? Cloud got up and let 'Sephiroth' inside. The boy stood in awe at Cloud's house.

"Who's your mother?" Cloud was pulling out a phone book from the closet. The boy didn't answer. "Who's your mother?" he asked again. The little boy stopped looking around and looked at Cloud. Thinking for a second.

"Jenova." Cloud sighed. Kids now a days were totally delusional. He picked up the phone and dialed the police station.

"Costa del Sol police station," a female's voice came through the phone.

"Do you have any reports of missing children recently?" there was some shuffling on the other end.

"Yes." Cloud looked to the little boy, who was now looking strait ahead at nothing. "Why?"

"Do you have one of a boy about five years of age." he looked at 'Sephiroth' a little closer.

"Yes. What does he look like?" the woman asked. Cloud frowned.

"Almost exactly like Sephiroth." there was a grunt of annoyance.

"Could you be more specific, please?" Cloud scrunched up his face.

"Leather."

"Uh-huh." there was some scratching. Then some typing.

"Silver hair." More typing.

"Real hair or a wig?" Cloud blinked. 'Real hair or a wig?' What knid of a question was that?

"Real hair." More typing. "Green eyes."

"Dull or bright?" the boy's eyes remained unfocused.

"Bright." more typing.

"One moment please." she obviously set the phone down. There was more typing. She picked the phone up again. "Sorry sir, there is no child like that in our database. But we'll ask the other stations around the planet."

"Thanks." Cloud hung up the phone. He stared at the boy in front of him. "Who are you really?"

"Sephiroth." his eyes remained unmoved upon something in the corner of the house. His voice was child-like, he was about three feet tall, and he didn't carry the Masamune. This wasn't Sephiroth. Cloud shook his head. 'Sephiroth' looked at Cloud. He turned his head, his eyes focusing on the figure.

"You keep biting the hand that feeds you. You are nothing but an emotionless puppet. Why are you still alive, Strife?" Cloud's eye twitched. A second later, he was rolling around on the floor. Laughing his arse off. The little boy just stood there, arms crossed. He walked past Cloud and into his room. It only took him a second to find what he was looking for. Cloud noticed that the boy was gone. Quickly siting up, he noticed a black boot headed into his room.

Jumping up and bolting, he was able to grab the boy before he could try and lift the Ultima weapon. He pointed a finger at the sword.

"That's not a toy." the boy's eye twitched.

"I know that, Strife." Cloud carried the boy out of the room and closed the door. After setting him down, Cloud called Tifa. The boy sat with his legs apart and his arms crossed, a frown etched upon his features.

"Tifa," there was some yelling. "I know we agreed to." some romantic sighing into words. "No not like that." more yelling. "I need you to come down here." more sighing. Cloud sighed. "I need help." a snab remark. "Look, could you just come and help out, Tifa? Just this once." a mutter, then the line went dead.

(_A few hours later_)

"You didn't tell me that you eloped!" Tifa cried as he walked in the door. The boy took little notice of her as Cloud sighed and smacked his head. Her eyes were wide as she let the door close slowly behind her.

"I found him on my doorstep th-" Tifa brightened up and ran over to the couch. Jumping over it. She landed in front of the boy. Her eyes were level with his.

"What's you name." he blinked a few times.

"Sephiroth." Tifa frowned. She stood up and brushed off her skirt. She looked at Cloud.

"You know he's delusional." Cloud nodded. "But he's also..." Cloud narrowed his eyes. Tifa reached for 'Sephiroth' and hugged him around the neck. She was blushing lightly. "Soooo cute!!" the boy grabbed at Tifa's hands, but it didn't help.

(_Sometime later_)

"See you Sephy!" the boy cringed at the abbreviation of his name. Cloud sat beside him as Tifa skipped out the door.

"Great, I get to keep you." he scowled. Mini-Seph looked over to Cloud, then in front of him, an evil smile appearing on his lips.

:-$-$-:

A/N: Whew! That was hard but it's finally done! I know it's not that long, but I was multitasking )dramatic music( shut up you crap music. Anyhoo, I was talking with Hallowed Shame throughout this chapter. The dementedness will arrive next chapter, you can be sure of it! Now review! 'Cause, I'm still not sure if youz guyz want me to continue. That doesn't include Hallowed Shame, though I welcome her review. Please tell me if I should go on! -ii- Please, please, please!


	3. It Begins

A/N: I must speak-eth to the reviewers-eth... eth. )Shrugs( Okay! First up is Hallowed Shame! )Silence( Ahem. )Points to chibi Sephiroth and then to full size Sephiroth. Crazed cheers from the audience( Thank you.

Hallowed Shame: I will, I will. True evil will appear in this fic. And no, I don't mean Cloud.

Anonymous person 'xsrs': Yes, everyone loves Chibi-Seph. )Eyes dart( Everyone _should_ love chibi-Seph.

TifaRose-Depp: How'm I s'posed to respond to that?... )shrugs( Oh yeah! )Snaps fingers( Thanks for the review... or compliment, or whatever you would like to call it.

Labrat-seph: Hmm... That's a good idear... but, I have another one up my sleeve as well. Plus, Sephy is cute as a kid.

Daenis TooShy: Wow. Mayhem wasn't the word that came to mind when I thought this up. I was thinking, you know... psychotic.

Anonymous person 'babymar-mar': Writing. Writing. Writing... You know, that could get really boring...

Chapter name: It begins

Story summary: It's been a year since METEOR and everyone has returned, or made a new, home. Cloud opens the door to his house one day to find...

Chapter summary: Look at the title of the chapter, the name of this fic, and chibi-Sephy's last action in the previous chapter. Yeah, that should explain it.

Rating: PG-13 for mild language and all around demented-ness

Disclaimer: Don't own Final Fantasy VII or any thing mentioned within the game. Squaresoft does. I don't own Jones soda either.

Warnings: Terror! Cloud running frantically and the utter cuteness that is Sephy!

Another A/N: All of you that dream of tearing someone's house up... is still a dream, I'm just sticking it in writing.

:-$-$-:

Chibi-Seph watched as Cloud walked out of the door. He pointed an accusing finger at the boy.

"Don't move." he was about to close the door when he thought of something else. "And don't touch anything." he locked the door and headed for the store. The small versioned Sephiroth hopped off the couch and over to Cloud's door. The door knob was too high for him. He looked around... _that could work... _he thought to himself. He pushed the leather couch over to the door. Climbing onto the cushions, he turned the knob of the door.

After jumping down onto the carpet, mini-Seph walked over to the bed adjacent to Cloud's. The Ultima weapon rested against the side of it. Sephy picked it up easily, but couldn't quite balance it accordingly on his left shoulder. But, he walked out of the room and looked around at the house. He would start with something unnoticeable, then work his way up. While walking to the corner, he smiled evilly to himself.

(_After grocery shopping..._)

Cloud opened the door to his house. The small boy hadn't moved from the couch, there wasn't a sign of any sort of damage, and his bedroom door remained closed. He still wasn't very trusting of this little boy, he had worked Tifa over. But not him, there was something different about him. Giving up on trying to search for markings of some sort, Cloud set the bag down in the kitchen. The mini-Seph made no movement, just continued to stare into space.

"Where are you from?" Cloud asked, attempting to start a conversation while putting away the groceries. The boy shrugged.

"I'm not sure." Cloud continued to stick the food in the cupboards. After successfully crumpling the bag and throwing into the recycle, Cloud turned to the little boy.

"How can you be unsure?" he shrugged.

"Father and Mother never truly told me." Cloud frowned. This kid was waaay to polite.

"What are you up to?" 'Sephiroth' turned his gaze to Cloud.

"Nothing." he blinked once. "Why do you keep asking me meaningless questions, Strife?" he put a finger to his bottom lip. "Why?" Cloud frowned again, he crossed his arms.

"..." yes, Cloud always was the talkative type. "Your bedroom is over there." Cloud pointed to a door adjacent to his. 'Sephiroth' nodded and walked over to it. He hopped up and down, trying to reach the doorknob. Cloud sighed and opened it for him. After closing the door, Cloud went into his room and dropped onto his bed and into a deep sleep.

(_In the morning... Oh, Cloud haters are gunna love this..._)

Cloud woke up with the sun shining into his eyes... wait... when did his room have a window? Cloud sat up, he was covered in some sort of sticky substance. He could move, but not very easily. Above him, hung a spider... no, not a fiendish spider, nor a household spider. It was a spider that had Sephiroth's face. Cloud blinked a few times at it. He must be dreaming. His Ultima weapon was no where in sight. There was a giant hole in the wall... and, wait... there was a giant hole in the wall?

Looking over to the hole, he noticed it was somking. There was a slicing sound from outside of his room. He pulled himself off of the bed and walked to the door. The spider-like thing followed on the ceiling above. Cloud put his hand in the knob. There was a ripping sound. He heaved the door open to find...

Mini-Seph, holding the Ultima weapon with both hands and his leather couch ripped to shreds. Chibi-Seph looked over to Cloud, then he turned his body and put the Ultima weapon behind his back, then he dropped it. Then... he got out the 'what did I do?' pouty look. Cloud blinked a few times.

"This must be a dream." he hit his head. "Must be a dream." he repeated over and over. He looked at the couch again. All of it's stuffing had been ripped out by hand, then the rest looked like fifty cats attacked it at once. Cloud let his head fall. "It's not a dream."

"No it isn't, Strife." Cloud looked over to the smirking boy. With an eye twitching, Cloud picked the boy up by the collar and threw him back into his bedroom. Cloud looked at the mess the boy had made again.

"I need a maid..." he muttered. He went to the phone and dialed up a cleaning service.

:-$-$-:

A/N: Yes. That was incredibly short, but I want the next chapter to be totally different. Muahaha! Boy, I'm glad I don't need a job. Especially a cleaning job. Heh. Truly evil is that thought... Okay... if your wondering, nah... I'll let you guess for yourself. But, I just have to say that Sephy has got a new friend.

Adult Sephy: Stop calling me that.

Me: You know you like it.

AS: No, I don't.

Me: Sure you don't.

Kid Sephy: Who's my new friend.

Me: Shh )hits him over the head( I can't let them know yet! points to readers

KS: )nods( But, when do I get to know who my new friend is?

Me: )hits him over the head... again( all will... well, not all... but some will be revealed next chapter.


	4. Maids

A/N: Thank you KT and Hallowed Shame! Heh, I have an evil idea in my head. As signified by the last chapter. I talk with them now...

KT: Squeal all you will over Sephy! Yay! Heh, but he is... oh, I can just see him. Can't you?

Hallowed Shame: I'm with you there!

Chapter name: Maids

Story summary: It's been a year since METEOR and everyone has returned, or made a new, home. Cloud opens the door to his house one day to find...

Chapter summary: Cloud calls the cleaning service and they send over maids, yet they don't want to work...

Rating: PG-13 for mild language and all around demented-ness

Disclaimer: Don't own Final Fantasy VII or any thing mentioned within the game. Squaresoft does. I don't own Jones soda either. Or Barbie for that matter...

Warnings: Chibi scared of people, Cloud getting aggravated, and a very... very scary person.

Another A/N: Okay, the person may not be scary... but if she makes Sephy scared, she scares me.

:-$-$-:

It would be about an hour before the maids arrived. He would first have to interview them. _Great,_ he thought as he smacked his head. _I have to do it with my new pet._ He shook his head. After making sure that the door to mini-Sephy's room was locked, Cloud started to push the couch into the middle of the room.

"It won't make much difference." Cloud frowned. A green glow was being emitted from the crack underneath 'Sephiroth's' door.

"The maids will be here in about an hour." there was a snort.

"You have maids?" Cloud looked over to the door.

"I will." he sat down onto the couch's ripped up cushions. "Thanks to you."

"Can I come out?" Cloud sighed.

"I'll have to let you out so the maids can meet you." he frowned. "We have to interview them." he mumbled. There was a crash. Cloud jumped up and opened the door to find the small Sephiroth pushing himself against the wall. He frowned.

"NEVER!" Cloud blinked.

"Why not?" 'Sephiroth' pushed himself closer against the walls.

"I had a bad experience with maids once...." Cloud quirked an eyebrow at the fear in the boy's voice.

-Flash back-

An adult Sephiroth sat on a leather couch reading a book. Zack was beside him, on the floor, begging him. There were a few women with maid outfits behind the couch.

"Come on Seph!" Zack pleaded. The general shook his head. "Please!" he then took to silence and made no movement except for the occasional turn of the page. Zack frowned. Then, he pouted. Sephiroth sighed.

"Fine..." he said under his breath. Zack perked up.

"Thanks Seph!" he cried, jumping over the couch to the maids. "You won' be sorry!" Sephiroth sighed.

(_The next day..._)

Sephiroth walked into the apartment that he and Zack shared. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, a maid got on top of his back. Sephiroth's eye twitched.

"Don't worry." she said, running a hand through his hair. "I'm just brushing your hair." Sephiroth stood up and let the blonde maid fall to the floor, she pouted as he walked away.

(_The day after last..._)

Sephiroth sat in silence. Staring at the letter that ordered him to command an army to attack the Wutain front. Scarlet shuffled in, wearing a maid's outfit. She tackled him and he screamed for his dear life.

-End Flash back-

Cloud pulled the stunned Sephiroth out of the room. In the living room, there was a line of women already out there.

"Is it alright if we're early?" one asked. Cloud nodded.

"Perfect." Mini-Sephiroth's eyes widened. Cloud motioned to a room in the corner. "We'll do the interviews one at a time, the rest of you can wait over in that room." One stepped forward as the rest shuffled into the room. She handed Cloud some papers as he sat down in a chair. The table was in front of him and 'Sephiroth' was to the right. "Ms. Alex Johnson?" She nodded. He looked at her papers.

"I'm very good with children." she looked to the little boy beside Cloud. "And I can cook." Cloud nodded.

"Wha-" he was cut short by Sephiroth.

"What are you afraid of?" she blinked at the little boy. Cloud's eye twitched as he slowly turned his head to him. He shrugged and crossed his arms. Cloud sighed. Alex laughed lightly.

"I have to admit that I'm slightly afraid of spiders." Cloud looked to his room. Sephiroth smirked.

"I'm sorry, but we have to decline your offer." her eyes widened. Cloud shook his head. "It isn't because of your credentials, but we have a slight spider problem." he jerked a thumb toward his room. Sephiroth snorted.

"You call that slight?" he looked at Alex, arms still crossed. "Why don't you go see what Strife call a 'slight' problem." he jerked his head in the direction of the door. She nodded and walked to the room. Upon opening the door, she let out a shrill scream and ran out of the house. Sephiroth smirked.

"That wasn't the only one." Sephiroth frowned.

"But the others will join her." Cloud looked over to the boy and frowned as well.

(_About fifteen maids later..._)

"There's only one left, Strife." Cloud frowned.

"That's only because you..." he started to count them off with his fingers. "Attacked three with a chair, threw Madeline out the window, picked up the couch and chucked it at Ariel, pushed two out the door, scared Cathleen off with your faces, kicked Jen in the shin, pulled Joanna's hair, attacked two with a metal bat, bit Mary, cut off circulation to Karry's brain with a bear hug, and punched Briana in the face." Sephiroth smirked.

"It was fun." Cloud shrugged. He picked up the last paper and read aloud the name.

"Uh..." he looked at it again, to make sure that he was correct. "Ms. Barbie Malibuu...?" Cloud blinked and looked closer at the paper.

"Yes?" a girl with a positively creepy smile stood in front of him. She wore a pink and white maid's outfit. Cloud blinked. Sephiroth frowned.

"What can you do?" Cloud asked, glancing over to Sephiroth every once in a while. She continued to smile.

"Anything!" Cloud quirked an eyebrow. Sephiroth's eyes widened.

"Can you babysit?" Sephiroth uncrossed his arms and fully turned in order to give Cloud a total look of upmost horror. She nodded.

"I can do almost anything." Cloud smiled and extended his hand out to her as he stood.

"Good." Sephiroth backed away from the two. "You're hired." Her smile brightened as she shook Cloud's hand. Sephiroth ran into his room, well... he ran to the door and hopped up and down, trying to reach the handle. "You start tomorrow." Sephiroth looked at the two in horror and disbelief.

:-$-$-:

A/N: Another chapter... COMPLETE! I have a lot more demented ideas and got the total Barbie idea when I was riding in the car with my dad. Heh... wait, she's scary! She's like a clown! NNOOOO! Clowns scare me. )Shudder( Like Rikku and Yuffie... )shudder( and Barbies, they're always smiling. I have this horrible mental image of an army of Barbies on top of a bunch of head-less Sephy plushies. It's horrible! AAAHHHHH! Ahem, please review in order to save me from this tormented place... or if you just want me to continue to write this out. I'll be waiting. Muahahahahaha!

Kid Seph: Who's my friend?

Me: )smacks him over the head( I'll tell it to them next chapter.

KS: Why were you mean to me?

Me: )shrugs( 'cause I wanted to add in the creepy maid. And to make you suffer was the only possible way to make it funny.

KS: )pouts(


	5. Chain Letter

A/N: This is basically for Yojimbo'sblade, even though he doesn't read Final Fantasy VII stuff and is a major FFX and Teen Titans fan. So, I sympathize with Cloud this chapter, no matter how much I love Seph. Oh yeah, anyone who got a chain letter that says something like 'How to improve your kissing skills unlike me,' or somethin' like that. I'm sorry, blame Yojimbo.

Chapter name: Chain Letter

Story summary: It's been a year since METEOR and everyone has returned, or made a new, home. Cloud opens the door to his house one day to find...

Chapter summary: Sephy writes a Chain Letter to Cloud. Chaos erupts.

Rating: PG-13 for mild language and all around demented-ness

Disclaimer: Don't own Final Fantasy VII or any thing mentioned within the game. Squaresoft does. I don't own Jones soda either. Or Barbie for that matter...

Warnings: internet access, Barbie's first day)screams(, Sephy demented-ness

Another A/N: Yes, no one has reviewed. I know that, but still. I have to torment Cloud! "But he must"- this is an exact quote from Hollowed Shame- "pay for killing Sephiroth! He must pay dearly, with his underwear and his LIFE!" Heh, sorry. I had to add that.

:-$-$-:

Sephiroth sat in his room, eyes darting from left to right. Searching his room.

"Don't worry, George." his eyes darted again. "Mother will save me..." his room was it total darkness. A spider scurried on the wall. Sephiroth nodded. "Mother will save me from that woman." his eyes darted again. Just then, the optimistic Barbie opened the door. Sephiroth hissed as the light leaked into the room. He covered his eyes with his hands. She carefully stepped in, seemingly unfazed by Sephiroth's reaction.

"Wow!" she smiled, with that huge smile of hers. "Somebody keeps his room nice and shiny!" she smiled. He frowned through his hands.

"I arrived here yesterday," he said dully. "What could I have done within that time?" she continued to look around his room, un-answering.

"It's perfect." she walked over to a corner. Sephiroth's eye widened. She pressed a thumb onto a spider, killing it. "There," she turned back to Seph. "_Now_ it's perfect." Sephy's jaw dropped.

"GEORGE!" Sephiroth semi-screamed, semi-yelled dully. She smiled happily and left the room, leaving the door open. Sephiroth's pupils narrowed into dangerously narrow slits and his eyes narrowed. "I have a plan." He carefully walked out of his room and hopped onto a chair. Cloud had gone out fiend hunting with Barret, leaving Sephiroth with Barbie. Carefully typing his scheme down, Sephiroth sent out an e-mail. Then, he returned to his room in order to find something of more interest to do.

(_When Cloud got back a few hours later..._)

Barbie was busy cooking in the kitchen when Cloud entered. He dropped his belongings inside his room and walked over to the computer, surprised to see an e-mail. Curious, Cloud sat down and opened the e-mail. It read:

'Girls like boyz, and boyz like girls.'

_That's pretty obvious, _Cloud thought to himself.

'But girls like girls and boyz like boyz too...'

_How annoying..._

'You have been accepted to join this chain letter. You must send this to twenty-five people of your gender within five days or suffer the consequences. You must also write 'I love you, forever be mine.' with it.'

Cloud's eye twitched. He minimized the internet and opened up a new one. He searched chat rooms until he found ones that included genders and such. He immediately did what he was told, then he closed out of it and went into his room, locked the door, and collapsed onto his bed.

:-$-$-:

A/N: Okay, that was short. But there will be worse demented-ness. I just had to write this and get it out of my system. I still have two more ideas before I start totally relying on my reviews.

Kid Sephy: Who was my friend?

Me: )smacks head( The spider named George.

KS: Ri-ght. )Nods head(

Me: )sighs( see what I have to deal with?


	6. Boat Ride

A/N: Hey, people keep reviewing! That's amazing!

KT: Yay! Your someone who can review my writing! Well... at least read it anyways....Barbie is evil, and George is dead!

Kid Sephy: GEORGE!

Me: )hits him over the head( you did that last chapter!

Hallowed Shame: I'm not nearly close to running out of idears... okay, somewhat close. But, it's at least four chapters away. Or three... or two... but definitely not next chapter. Ahem, )shrugs( that is just more proof that Barbie is a clown in disguise. Poor, poor, George...

Chapter name: Boat Ride

Story summary: It's been a year since METEOR and everyone has returned, or made a new, home. Cloud opens the door to his house one day to find...

Chapter summary: Hhmm... do you think their going for a boat ride?

Rating: PG-13 for mild language and all around demented-ness

Disclaimer: Don't own Final Fantasy VII or any thing mentioned within the game. Squaresoft does. I don't own Jones soda either. Or Barbie for that matter... Or Switzerland...

Warnings: CHEESE! Sephy-ness! )Squeals( and Cloud, Cloud-ness. )Groans(

Another A/N: Sorry. But you know what they say: "When in Switzerland, do as the Swiss do." Well... something like that.

:-$-$-:

Cloud rented a boat. Not for a special occasion, mostly just to escape from Sephiroth and Barbie. But, lo and behold. Sephiroth had somehow snuck onto the row boat. He sighed and smacked his head.

"How'd you get in here, Seph?" yes, a nickname. 'Sephiroth' scares people, so Seph does just nicely. He was jumping up and down, an evil smile upon his face.

"Cheese." he said, lifting his eyebrows. Cloud quirked an eye brow.

"What kind of cheese?" Sephiroth blinked up at the man and pulled out some white cheese with holes scattered around it.

"SWISS CHEESE!" Cloud had to ask, 'cause he that big of an idiot. Again, he lifted an eyebrow.

"And where, pray tell, would Swiss cheese come from?" he crossed his arms. Sephy frowned.

"Switzerland you dolt." Cloud tilted his head, looking positively confused. Sephiroth sighed. "It's a landlocked European country." he stated dully.

"European... wait, what?" Cloud had stopped rowing in order to scratch his head. He looked like his head was about to explode, this is when Seph took his chance. He pulled out a small knife and started attacking the bottom of the boat. When finished, he grabbed a life-vest and his cheese. After carefully setting the life-vest in the water and stepping on, Sephiroth waved to Cloud.

"Goodbye Strife!" Cloud nodded, still deep within his thoughts. He didn't even notice the water rising inside of the boat.

"See ya, Seph." he waved slightly. Sephiroth sat down upon the vest and started to use his cheese as a paddle and push himself toward the shore. He had pushed for about three seconds when Cloud spoke up again. "Where's European?" Sephiroth blinked at Cloud's stupidity.

"Europe, you idiot." Cloud nodded as he continued to sink. Sephiroth waved again. "Say hello to Mother when you're down there!" Seph continued to paddle away with his cheese oar as Cloud sank. The water was to about the torso.

(_A few minutes later..._)

Sephiroth walked onto the beach, dragging the cheese and life vest behind him.

"HOLY SHIT!!!" Cloud's voice rand out. Sephiroth smirked and walked up the sand to a smiling Barbie. She blinked a few times.

"What was that noise?" she asked optimistically. Sephiroth dropped the vest and cuddled the cheese.

"Heh." he looked around and headed back to the house. "Cloud. Heh." he could barely hold in his laughter at Cloud's stupidity.

:-$-$-:

A/N: Sorry that I've been a little slow in updating. E-mailing random people and pissing them off. Heh. Ahem, review this please.

Sephy: Where's Switzerland?

Me: )big fake smile, hits him over the head( What the Hell are you talking about?

Sephy: )rubs large bump on head(

Me: You know exactly where it is... )evil glare(

Sephy: )sweat drop( Oooooookay...

Me: )hugs Sephy( If only you were a few years older...

Sephiroth: )taps my shoulder( Ahem...

Me: )hugs Sephy and Sephiroth( Now, if only you were a few years younger...

S & S: )sweatdrop(


	7. School

A/N: This chapter is to make up for lack of writing down ideas. Well... writing down chapters, Better?

KT: Heh. Evilness-ness.... ness. Ahem, Cloud deserved it (as we all agreed). Drat! Now I want Swiss cheese so I can bop Cloud in the head... heh, that would be funny.

Hollowed Shame: Cheese! Cheese is good! So is wood! Review this please, or you'll be Swiss Cheese. And you won't be with Sephy neither.

Chapter name: School

Story summary: It's been a year since METEOR and everyone has returned, or made a new, home. Cloud opens the door to his house one day to find...

Chapter summary: Sephy goes to school.

Rating: PG-13 for mild language and all around demented-ness

Disclaimer: Don't own Final Fantasy VII or any thing mentioned within the game. Squaresoft does. I don't own Jones soda either. Or Barbie for that matter... Nor do I own the FF VIII characters, I just chibi-fied them. Oh yeah, the enchanted keyboard of doom is mine.

Warnings: Sephy being annoyed )tears(, chibi peoples, Cloud actually winning... ! )screams( Well, not exactly...

Another A/N: I'm not one to torment Sephy, but think closely about it. If you don't get, think. Chibis, Cloud, and Sephy= evil. Heh. I just gave away a whole chapter. But I don't really give a crap.

"See ya', Seph!" Cloud waved as he walked out of the building. Sephiroth's eye twitched. He wore a dark green shirt and jeans. His backpack was blue and his tennis shoes were white. The second-grade teacher ushered him into the classroom. People ran into their seats.

"Class," she nodded toward the small children. "This is Sephiroth." a few kids snickered. A girl with brown hair that curled out raised a hand. "Yes, Selphie?"

"Wasn't Sephiroth killed at North Crater?" the teacher nodded.

"Yes, but his name is Sephiroth and-" Sephiroth interupted.

"I was revived in order to drive Cloud insane." the teacher blinked.

"Okay." the teacher did her best to smile. "Why don't you tell us a little about yourself, Sephiroth..."

"First off." he blinked. "Call me Seph." he looked around the room. "And that's all you really need to know." there was silence. "Where do I sit?" he looked to the teacher. She blinked and then pointed to a seat by a boy with a strange marking on his face. Sephiroth walked to the seat and sat down. Making sure that he was seated, the teacher began the lesson plan.

"Alright class. Today we begin to multiply." there were a few groans that escaped the students lips. Sephiroth looked around. Then sighed. He took out a piece of paper and started to write down new ideas on how to annoy and/or kill Cloud.

(_A while later..._)

"We will now continue our lesson on cursive writing." more groans. Sephiroth was busy doodling a sketch of Meteor. He basically had the same strength and stats he had in the last life. Yet, he had no idea where the black materia had vanished to. "Zell," the boy sitting next to Sephiroth jerked awake. "Read me this line." he nodded.

"Pat picked up the pepper that landed in Peter's garden." she nodded. There was a bell.

"Oh! Time for break!" there was no outdoors in this school, since everyone would just run into the sea and get soggy. Sephiroth continued his doodle. A girl with blonde hair tied back in an unusual fashion looked over his shoulder.

"Pretty..." his eye twitched. He stopped mid-stroke and slowly turned his head over to her. She smiled. "I'm Quistis Trepe!" she cried triumphantly, raising a fist into the air. He said nothing and turned back to his doodle. She frowned and walked away. Sephiroth sighed and rammed his head into the desk... creating a large hole in it. He felt like a general again.

The boy beside Sephiroth slowly leaned until he was shoulder to shoulder with Sephiroth.

"Hiya, I'm Zell." Sephiroth said nothing while his eye twitched. "My name's Zell. I already know yours." he leaned away and rubbed his hand against his pants and held it out to Sephiroth. "But should you say it again. Just so it's a formal introducing." Sephiroth made no movement. Zell frowned and crossed his arms.

"Look, chicken-wuss is gay." Zell blinked. Sephiroth smirked. "Heh, finally someone of a higher intelligence in this classroom." a boy with a white jacket walked over. His hair was blonde and shaved, only a few strands sticking out here and there. He held out his hand to Sephiroth. "I'm Seifer, I didn't really pay attention earlier. What was your name again?" Sephiroth stood up and shook Seifer's hand.

"Sephiroth." Zell blinked.

"Eh?" Sephiroth smirked. Seifer noted that.

"What school did ya' go to before coming here?" Sephiroth shrugged.

"I'm not entirely sure." Seifer blinked and chuckled lightly.

"So what were you doing with the leader of AVALANCHE?" Sephiroth just smirked.

"Making him writhe in eternal pain." Seifer blinked and the bell rang... again. The class made way to their seats.

"Now, we all know what that wretched man named Sephiroth did, right?" Most of the class nodded, while others didn't even pay attention. "Now, we were able to get Cloud, Barret, and Tifa to come for an assembly. As well as Reeve and Cait Sith." Selphie raised her hand. The teacher nodded.

"Who's Reeve?" the teacher smiled.

"The man who piloted Cait Sith." Selphie blinked and then went silent. The class stood up and walked out of the classroom. Sephiroth walked by Seifer.

"Do you know the leader personally?" Sephiroth nodded. Seifer smiled. "Let's make this interesting then..." Seifer walked to the left and motioned for Sephiroth to follow. He led him to a stage prop room. He handed Sephiroth a mini-rubber version of the Masamune and a small ball that resembled the black materia. Sephiroth sweat dropped.

"May I ask as to why we are doing this with such weak weapons?" Seifer blinked.

"We just want to scare the crap out of them, not kill them." Sephiroth frowned.

"I want to kill them all..." Sephiroth rested the rubber against his shoulder. He looked away from the boy peeking out from the door. "What's the plan?"

"We jump out as soon as everyone arrives on stage." Sephiroth nodded.

"How long do you think that would be?" Seifer thought for a moment.

"About half an hour. Mr. Turner tends to drag long speeches." Sephiroth smirked. _Just like Shinra..._ Becoming bored within five second, he pulled out his knife. Seifer continued to watch for people. He looked over to Sephiroth, who was now cutting himself on the wrists. "What are you doing?!" terror almost creeped into his voice. Sephiroth shrugged and let the blood from his wrist drip onto the rubber blade.

"Making it look real." he lifted his already healing wrists up to examine them. The scar was slowly fading away. He held them out for Seifer to see. "See, no scar." Seifer blinked at him. Then, he shrugged at continued his watch.

(_Five minutes later..._)

A monotone voice continued to ring throughout the stadium. Zell was glad to be out and about. He was looking for Sephiroth and Seifer. He found a blonde head slightly sticking out of the prop room. He opened the door and let Seifer slump to the floor.

"What.... What's going on?!" he stared at Seifer, the rubber blade, and Sephiroth all at the same time... When did he get a third eye?

"He fell asleep." Sephiroth was poking the paper in his hands with a knife.

"Are those rubber?" Sephiroth shrugged and continued to poke the paper.

"You could say that." he pointed to the small Masamune. "That's a fake, it's far too light and doesn't even have materia slots." Zell blinked and placed his hands on his hips.

"And you could do better?" Sephiroth nodded and walked out of the room, Zell close behind. A person with, brown hair tied in a pony, a keyboard walked by. She stopped mid-step and looked at Sephiroth.

"How ya' doin' Sephy?" she crouched down to become eye level with him.

"I will tolerate that from you." she smiled.

"What can I do for you?" the girl asked.

"Could you give me my past life's physical appearance as well as the Masamune?" she suddenly frowned and hit him over the head with the keyboard.

"I can't do that!" she yelled. Sephiroth was rubbing a large bump on the top of his head. "But, I can give you a giant piece of wood with loads of slivers to hit Cloud in the head with!" she said optimistically.

"You really are psychotic." he mumbled. She frowned deeply and started to hit him over the head with her keyboard.

"The enchanted keyboard of doom can hurt you know..." she said after pulling it off his head. He had a lot of bumps now. She sat down and a screen appeared above the keyboard. Then, a giant piece of wood fell down out of the air beside Sephiroth. "There, now. Remember, no matter how much Cloud must die. We must not kill him yet." Sephiroth quirked an eyebrow.

"Why?" she smacked him over the head.

"I'm just the author. So it beats the Hell out of me with a stick." he frowned. "I'm off to go annoy people with annoying e-mails!" she vanished and Sephiroth grumbled a little and picked up the piece of wood.

"Who was that?" Seifer said, still siting. Sephiroth's eye twitched.

"Some one more insane than me and Mother." he sighed. "We have to go now." Zell shrugged and followed after Seifer and Sephiroth. The arrived behind the curtain just as Cloud and the others walked up onto the stage. Sephiroth lunged out and attacked Cloud's head with the stick. He smirked at the unconscious man. Tifa gasped, Barret was wide eyed, and Reeve... well, Reeve was confused. Tifa grabbed Sephiroth around the neck and blushed hotly.

"Soooooooo cuuuuuuuute!" she cried. Sephiroth struggled under her grasp, then... he finally gave up and let her cuddle him.

"You suck FFlove..." he grumbled.

"Bolt 3!" a voice yelled. Tifa dropped Sephy and looked up as a Thundaga hit Sephiroth. "Heh. That'll teach you to mess with me!" the voice stopped abruptly. Barbie walked up on stage. She poked Sephiroth, then Cloud. She smiled, and then she continued to poke the duo.

A/N: Okay, originally I wasn't going to add myself. But, I got bored. Garage sales, and the inevitable heat stroke from them, lead to boredom and very strange ideas. I just had to hit Sephy because of his insolence. We all torture the ones we love... that does not include Cloud, Yuffie, or their look-alikes. ; Sorry, I just had to add that.

Sephy: So that's why you-

Me: )big fake smile, hits him over the head(

Sephy: )rubbing head( You're mean.

Me: Thank you

Sephy: And psychotic.

Me: )bouncing up and down( Do you accept me now?!

Sephy: )smacks his head( no.

Me: )pouts(

Another A/N: Mr. Turner was my pricible in Elementary School for about four years. He doesn't really hog the mike, but I just had to add that. Oh, yeah. For future reference... his name is Scott. Also, the edit thingy ate my little thing that seperated author's notes with the story. Sorry 'bout that.


	8. Sugar High

A/N: Yay! Reviews! YAY!

Hollowed Shame: I am writing more at the moment. This is the chapter I've been semi-building up for.

KT: He does look cute in reggy clothes... )drools( Ahem, Barbie will die when Cloud dies. But, this chapter the get tortured. HAH!

Chapter name: Sugar High

Story summary: It's been a year since METEOR and everyone has returned, or made a new, home. Cloud opens the door to his house one day to find...

Chapter summary: look at the title. )Gulps(

Rating: PG-13 for mild language and all around demented-ness

Disclaimer: Don't own Final Fantasy VII or any thing mentioned within the game. Squaresoft does. I don't own Jones soda either. Or Barbie for that matter... Nor do I own the FF VIII characters, I just chibi-fied them. I do not own Pixie stix either.

Warnings: Heh. Cloud in misery. An even more insane Sephiroth.

Another A/N: KT and I were talking about this a while ago. I'm guessing about two days or somethin'. Heh, credit to her and overlyobsessive for the ideas of this chapter.

Sephiroth sat in his room. He had found a picture of Hojo earlier and sketched a lot of copies of him, making sure to catch every detail. After doing so, he would rip out his knife and attack his work of art. Seifer and Zell were going to come over. They just invited themselves, more likely just to see Cloud.

When they arrived home, Cloud threw the boy into his room and immediately placed an ice pack onto his head as Barbie pulled out the slivers. There was a knock at the door, Barbie left to go answer it. There were seven children crowded in the doorway. Cloud's eye was twitching. She smiled at the kids.

"Sephiroth is in the room at the end of that." she pointed to a hallway. Selphie nodded and ran in first. The other children walked a little more slowly, glancing over at the grumbling Cloud.

(_In Sephy's room..._)

There was a knock. Sephiroth, being in his state of mind, was pacing and didn't hear it. The door opened to reveal none other than Selphie. Sephiroth remained focused on the sketch of Hojo he was stabbing. _Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, _Sephiroth counted in his mind. Trying to remember how many hours he had done this within his lifetime. Selphie blinked.

Seifer, Zell, and most of the other children were behind her. They all looked strangely at him.

"What do you make of this, Squall?" Zell asked a boy with medium brown hair that was pretty short.

"..." Zell blinked. Then turned to another person.

"How 'bout you Seifer?" Seifer's eye twitched.

"I say we trip him." Seifer walked through the group and up to Sephiroth. "What's going on." Sephiroth stopped, mid-stepped and turned to face him.

"Zack's coming..." he resumed pacing. "I need to find a way to calm down..." he muttered. Selphie got an idea and pushed past Seifer. She held out a strange package to Sephiroth. She smiled.

"Sniff them." she pushed her nose, then ran out of the room. A few people followed her. Then, the rest left Sephiroth to stare at the package. He opened it. Inside were lots of sticks with the words 'pixie stix' on them. He opened one and sniffed it.

(_A few minutes later..._)

Cloud was thankful for the silence that Sephiroth was giving him. He bolted upright when there was a crashing sound. He turned his gaze to Sephiroth's door. The children (who were still admiring their hero )cough( losers )cough, cough( ) also turned their gaze to the door. It was being pushed out by something. The PHS rang. Barbie picked it up.

"Hello?" there was a scream and the line went dead. Barbie shrugged and put the phone-like thing down. "What's everyone looking at?" she looked toward the door and it burst open. Out walked a fully grown Sephiroth. He looked at his hand, then examined the rest of his body. He looked to the ceiling.

"FFlove!" he yelled. "Explain yourself!" A girl floated down from the ceiling. She landed next to him. Her eye twitched, she smacked him with the keyboard again.

"Must I explain myself?!" she yelled. He nodded, now on the floor. Sephiroth stood. "Ahem, I got bored of writing you as a kid, so I added you in and gave you the Masamune." the sword appeared in Sephiroth's hands. He smiled and charged at Cloud. "And I'm going to change you back in three, two," she counted off the seconds with her fingers. "One. Cue the shrinkage!" a small Sephiroth hit Cloud face first.

"You're evil..." Sephiroth muttered as he sat up. Then, something triggered inside Sephy. He started to vibrate, then to bounce.

"My work here is done..." she sighed. A giant picture of Sephiroth with one wing appeared with writing on it. Her eye twitched. "Why whilst no one join it?!" she vanished and the pop up continued to float, flashing 'Join the AGMA Fan Club!' Sephiroth took the Masamune in hand and started to attack.

(_After the small sugar high..._)

Sephiroth held his head. He couldn't remember anything that happened that day. And his head hurt like Hell's fire. Or maybe a firaga. He looked around. The house and furniture were basically destroyed beyond repair, most of the town was destroyed, and there were millions of headless Cloud plushies (hail to the almighty Sephiroth!). He noticed that the children were on the ground, scattered and under the sleepel spell. Barbie and Cloud laid unconscious in the corner. Sephy got an evil plot... again. He picked up the PHS.

"Tifa!" he cried into the phone.

"Sephy!" he cringed. "What's wrong?! Where's Cloud?!" Sephiroth didn't answer the frantic voice. "Damn it all to hell..." she muttered.

Finding his work done, Sephiroth walked to a spot hidden in the shadows and laid his head against the wall. He let himself drift into dream world.

(_A while later..._)

"My word..." Tifa muttered upon walking in through the slashed dorrway. Sephiroth opened his eyes drearily at the rude intruder. Well, she was actually quite quiet. But, since Sephiroth has Mako enhanced ears and yada-yada-yada. "Sephiroth were are you?" she carefully stepped through the sleeping bodies.

Growing annoyed, Sephiroth walked slowly out from his resting place and looked over to Tifa. She ran to him and hugged him, her gaze still looking around for Cloud. She spotted him in a certain fashion with Barbie in the corner. (I'll let your sick minds create the illusion) Sephiroth blinked his blood-shot eyes.

"Did they keep you up?" she let go of him and held him at arm's length. He blinked.

"Huh?" he was still a little short on remembering at the moment, considering that he had just gone on his first sugar high.

"Wait right here." she left him in the middle of the room. When she returned, she was carrying a super soaker. She walkewd over to the sleeping couple and squirted them. Cloud stirred a little and Barbie made no motion. Growing ever the more irritated, Tifa took out the container of water and dropped it all on the sleeping duo's heads. Cloud bolted up with a jolt, sending Tifa reeling backwards.

"Oh." he noticed Tifa. "Hi Teef..." he said lazily. She hit him over the head and walked away. "... what I do...?"

A/N: The sugar high would have been better if someone hadn't stolen the PS2... )eyes brother evilly( He's evil... and I let him have the computer for what? Three hours? Sorry, I'm just jam packed with torturous ideas for Cloud. I might continue this chapter later on. Oh yeah, the Zack thing... heh, I'll use that later...


	9. Lost Part I

A/N: More reviews-es-es! Ahem, from the same peoples... more peoples must review!!! Sorry, but 'tis the truth...

Hallowed Shame: As always...? Hold on, I'm trying to comprehend that...

KT: Yes, bad thoughts. )Shudder( Keep in mind that that was his _first_, sugar high. Which means... there's more to come! Heh, true evil comes in the form that is Sephiroth...

Chapter name: Lost Part I

Story summary: It's been a year since METEOR and everyone has returned, or made a new, home. Cloud opens the door to his house one day to find...

Chapter summary: Heh, Cloud loses Sephiroth and Tifa gets angry

Rating: PG-13 for mild language and all around demented-ness

Disclaimer: Don't own Final Fantasy VII or any thing mentioned within the game. Squaresoft does. I don't own Jones soda either. Or Barbie for that matter... Nor do I own the FF VIII characters, I just chibi-fied them.

Warnings: More idiot-cy of Cloud (keep in mind that he's stupider than me)

Another A/N: Nope, can't think of a thing to say... wait... no... nothing... other than read this chapter, but you all could probably guess that, right?

Sephiroth hadn't made a peep for a few hours, which was so unlike him. It was Saturday and Cloud was sitting on the taped up couch, waiting for something to happen. Well, something gets to happen. 'Cause, I'm almighty and don't let Cloud sit on his butt all day so... the cushion he's sitting on rips apart and he gets stuck in the couch. His legs, arms, head, and a little of the upper torso, were the only parts of his body visible.

There was a knock on the door. Cloud tried to squiggle his way out of the couch.

"Barbie!" he squiggled.

"Yes?" she asked perkily, sticking her head out of the kitchen doorway.

"Could you get the door?" she nodded enthusiastically. And rushed to the door. Upon opening it, Tifa lunged inside. Her eyes darted around the room.

"Where's Sephy?" had she completely forgotten about Cloud... yes, yes she did. She ran over to him and pulled him out of the cushion. "Where's SEPHY?!" she was getting a little hysteric. Cloud pointed a shaking hand towards Sephiroth's door. Pushing him back into the couch, she rushed toward the door.

Finding it locked, she kicked it open. There was nothing. She basically turned his room upside down. Nada. Growing infuriated, she rushed back to Cloud and picked him up... again.

"Where's Sephiroth...?" she said in a low tone. An _evil_ tone if you ask me... Cloud blinked. "Tell me..."

"I don't know..." he gulped. She hit him. So, he flew into the wall. Grumbling, Tifa ran out of the beach house in a crazed search for Sephy. Heh, like I would too... except more crazed. And we all know that that can't be good.

(_Elsewhere..._)

Sephiroth sat on a crate, the rocking of the boat reminding him of his last time riding on one of the wretched things. He was going to see Zack before Zack could come and find him.

(_Back wit Tifa..._)

She was at the boat station, asking people if they had seen a boy named Seph. One man nodded and replied that the boy was headed to Mideel. Cloud, who's butt was still stuck in the cushion (so he looked like a turtle), got pulled by his hair and onto a boat.

A/N: Yes, there will be a second part to this chapter. I'm just trying to work on this before I completely forget about it. Yeah, you still have to review. But, you don't have to. But, if you don't review. The story will die. )Pouts( You people have to bug me more! So in other words, REVIEW!


	10. Lost Part II

A/N: HELLO PEOPLES OF MANY NATIONS! Heh, I had to add that. Let's see...

Hallowed Shame: Yes, he must not die yet (as we all want him too) . He must truly suffer under the torture of Sephy! Muahahahahaha!

KT: Yes. His new name is Couch Man! Fear him! Fear him I say!

Chapter name: Lost Part II

Story summary: It's been a year since METEOR and everyone has returned, or made a new, home. Cloud opens the door to his house one day to find...

Chapter summary: Umm... the extension of last chapter... heh?

Rating: PG-13 for mild language and all around demented-ness

Disclaimer: Don't own Final Fantasy VII or any thing mentioned within the game. Squaresoft does. I don't own Jones soda either. Or Barbie for that matter... Nor do I own the FF VIII characters, I just chibi-fied them.

Warnings: AAAAHHHHHH! Couch Man is coming! Run for your lives!

Another A/N: )twitch, twitch( must.... make .... Cloud.... SUFFER! Muahahahahahahaha!

Cloud waddled behind Tifa. People gave him strange looks, but he just gave them the finger. Which, in point of fact, looked very funny from a guy with his ass in a ripped up couch cushion.

"Hurry up..." Tifa said impatiently. Cloud wasn't sure if she was talking about him or the boat. She stomped her foot. "Can't this tub go any faster?!" Yep, it's hard to tell. She suddenly ran into a door. Trying to waddle faster, Cloud got stuck in the door as it was closing.

"A little help here, please." he moved his arms up and down. It didn't help. A few people on the deck snickered at him.

"Dude!" one teenager said. "Look at that pathetic Cloud wannabe!" another kid chuckled.

"Yeah, what an idiot!" They weren't dissing Cloud personally, but. Yeah, very confusing. Cloud grumbled lightly as the door opened and he fell on his face.

"Sorry kiddo, didn't see ya' there." an old toothless man smiled. Cloud pushed himself up and continued to follow Tifa... waddling... heh, it looks funny.

"Tifa," he huffed. "Where'd you go?" he got smacked in the head by a door, sending him onto his back. Tifa walked out into the hallway.

"He's not on this ship..." she looked constipated.

"A little help here..." Cloud tried to jerk his arms away from the cushion. "Tifa?" the woman in question was deep in thought.

"We're off to Mideel! Or was it Gongaga?" she got lost in a train of thought.

"Tifa? I could you some help down here..." the boat's floor shook, making Cloud land on his face. Tifa jumped up and down.

"We're here!" she ran up some stairs.

"Wow, I could've just fallen down those..." he waddled his way up the stairs, only to get stuck in another door. "Uhh..." he tried to move his arms forward. "Teef...?" the fighter ran back and opened the door, letting him onto the deck. "Well, thanks Tif- !" she kicked him and he hit the boat launch, causing it to open automatically. Rolling up onto the sand, Cloud was able to stand up. He threw his fist in the air and had a big stupid smile on his face.

Tifa ran past and pushed him back into the cushion.

"Holy f-!" a wave washed over his body and sent him further onto the sand.

(_With our beloved Sephy..._)

Sephiroth was just about to turn the corner to Mideel. Well, technically it's a tree.

"SEPHY!" a woman's voice screeched. A wave of horror passed over Sephiroth.

"NEVER!" he cried. He ran past the tree, only to trip over a Phoenix Down. "How'd that get there..." as he was picking himself up, Tifa ran over and crushed his face against her breasts.

"Sephy! I'm soooo glad you're alright!" Sephiroth was doing his best to get free of the woman.

"Get off of me you wench!" she just hugged him tighter.

"It's alright, Tify-Wiffy is here now..." she said lovingly. Then a turtle waddles over, a very strange looking turtle. Sephiroth pointed to it.

"Look! A turtle!" she dropped him.

"Where?!" he took this chance to run, but out from the cushion came Cloud. He grabbed the boy by his hair.

"I despise you..." Sephiroth muttered. Cloud, who was covered with seaweed, just pulled him back to the boat. He had given him back to Tifa, who had given Cloud a harsh beating for losing 'Sephy' and returning the evil child.

A/N: Muahahahahahaha! I'm so evil to Cloud. I'm sorry my Lord Sephiroth, but I had to punish you. Why? I don't know, but it worked well with this chapter. Yes, yes. Ahem... )interlocks hands( if you truly desire more of Cloud's pain, review. If not, you get to burn in the bowels of Hell... )eyes dart( ... Sephiroth-less! Muahahahahahahahaha ... )eyes dart( HA! Yes, so in other terms: review.


	11. Sand Castle Contest

A/N: YAY! I survived almost five whole days without the wondrous computer! Well, three whole days and two half days... so four! YAY! I survived... well, you get the picture.

Hallowed Shame: Yes... )drums fingers together(... yes it is...

KT: More revenge in this chapter...heh, Cloud will suffer.

Labrat-seph: You really want to see Cloud suffer... don't you? Well, I do too... but that isn't the point...

Chapter name: Sand Castle Contest!

Story summary: It's been a year since METEOR and everyone has returned, or made a new,

home. Cloud opens the door to his house one day to find...

Chapter summary:

Rating: PG-13 for mild language and all around demented-ness

Disclaimer: Don't own Final Fantasy VII or any thing mentioned within the game. Squaresoft does. I don't own Jones soda either. Or Barbie for that matter... Nor do I own the FF VIII characters, I just chibi-fied them.

Warnings: Hhmm... Sephy throwing sand... that's 'bout it...

Another A/N: My friend and I stuck Sephy in a lot of strange places. For this chapter, ye must blame the sand, the giant butt mark, the beach in general, and my good friend overlyobsessive.

Today was the day of the big sand castle contest. Why? I have no freakin' clue, I'm just the author. Continuing... more importantly, it was mainly for Sephy's school. Why? I actually know the answer. Because the teachers and staff needed a way to waste all of the children's excess energy. Pretty smart, huh? Okay, no on with the actual story...

Sephiroth stared at the sand beneath his feet. He was once again in leather, and was just staring. Lifting up his head, he looked around at the other shildren. Some of them were building total crap, while other dug holes or made a large castle. Seifer was just poking at the sand. Sitting there and pokin it. Poke, poke, poke... Continuing (before I get lost in a trance), Cloud stood behind Sephiroth, smirking.

"There's no way you can mess this one up..." he smiled. Barbie sat on a log that was about ten feet long. It was places farthest away from the water. Cloud was laughing at Sephiroth's annoyance. Sephiroth, getting very angry, was twitching. Picking up some sand, Sephiroth flung the fist full at Cloud. It landed in his eyes. Cloud, somehow surprised by this attack, let his hands fly up to cover them.

"What the...?!" he couldn't finish, for Seph came over and kicked him in the shin. Resulting in Cloud collapsing in the sand, one of his bones broken. Sephiroth smirked and walked to a birl sitting in a giant butt-mark. Seifer, noticing Seph's evil action, walked behind him.

"It all worked out as planned!" the girl cackled. "Muahahahahahahahahaha!" she suddenly pouted. "It doesn't take _that_ long to start a fan fic. Overlyobsessive should have been here by now..."

"You've really out done your self this time, you wench." she stood up in her hole, now eye level with Sephiroth.

"Do you accept me _now_?!" she leaned forward a little. He crossed his arms and turned his head away.

"No." she pouted, like an evil pout.

"Fine, I'll just start typing up Crater Crimes..." she pulled herself out of the hole and started walking away.

"You wouldn't dare!" he screeched. The girl turned around.

"Readers... this never happened. I never appeared in this chapter... Octa-levera-dunda--  
lethar!" she sweat dropped. "Sorry, Overlyobsessive is being a little overly obsessive and I'm losing at Uno... see ya'!" she vanished.

"Who was that? That same woman from the school?" Sephiroth nodded, his face in his hands.

"That was the author..." he sighed and looked up to the sky. "She's stupid, evil, and insane..." he walked towards Cloud. "I hate her..." Seifer blinked and then shrugged. He then started to help Sephiroth bury Cloud.

A/N: Wow! That was utterly pointless! YAY! There was no point! Well, that was already stated. But still... YAY for utterly pointless Cloud sufferings! Yeah, so if you want more of it from me, you'll have to review. Yeah, I'm also sorry about adding me. )Sweat-drop( I couldn't resist... Anyhoo, review please. Lest Sephy stops with the torturings of Cloud!


	12. BALLET!

A/N: Okay, time now for another utterly pointless chapter! But first, the reviewers!

Hallowed Shame: ... )eyes dart( ... I think I'll take that as a compliment... but... I'm not very sure...

KT: Muahahahaha! The sufferings of Cloud are wonderous, no?

Labrat-seph: He will suffer... forever-like... )eyes dart( or something like that...

Chapter name: BALLET!

Story summary: It's been a year since METEOR and everyone has returned, or made a new, home. Cloud opens the door to his house one day to find...

Chapter summary: Heh, I would give waaay too much away...

Rating: PG-13 for mild language and all around demented-ness

Disclaimer: Don't own Final Fantasy VII or any thing mentioned within the game. Squaresoft does. I don't own Jones soda either. Or Barbie for that matter... Nor do I own the FF VIII characters, I just chibi-fied them.

Warnings: Tutus, turtles, preps (yes, prepare your prep killing knives), and Cloud... )growls(

Another A/N: Yes, thank Hallowed Shame for giving me the idea for this chapter. E-mails are fun! Wow, that was rather random... Getting to the point... I want you to read this... I'll force you if I have to... READ!

Cloud snored loudly as Sephiroth chose to surf the channels, looking for something pleasing to watch. He eventually came upon a ballet that was performing the Nutcracker.

"Better than nothin'..." Sephiroth muttered, sinking further into the stuffing of the couch. Barbie had taken the day off and Cloud was still recouperating from the little 'incedent a few days ago...

-Flashback-

Cloud sat on the destroyed couch, watching as a fighting technique filled the screen (note, he's playing FF X) and the fiend fell dead. He silently cheered as he collected his earnings. Unbeknownst to him, Sephiroth was bringing down the Ultima weapon upon Cloud's head. And well, you know. An ear-splitting crack as Cloud fell unconscious.

-End Flashback-

An evil smirk spread across Sephiroth's face as he wheeled Cloud (yes, he's in a wheelchair, heh) out of the house and to the television studio. He requested a sound proof room as well as a video camera and some air time. Carefully, Sephy set it all up. Slowly changing Cloud's outfit, summoning his friends, and awakening the idiot.

"Cloud..." he shook the man. Cloud mumbled something. "I'm not your mom, so unless you want a sword shoved down your throat, you'd better wake up." Cloud suddenly jerked awake and set Sephy flying, why just landed gracefully on his feet.

"Wha-?" Sephiroth turned on the camera.

"Say hello, Cloud." Cloud blinked, oblivious to his change of outfit.

"What the hell did you do, Seph?" Sephiroth shrugged behind the camera. "What are you doing?"

"I'm putting in a CD..." music filled the small room. It was from the Nutcracker.

"Seph?" Cloud said, his eye twitching.

"Yes?" of course, he was smirking evilly.

"You're still crazy aren't you?" twitching-like!

"What are you talking about?" smirk grows ever bigger. "What's that?" Cloud blinked.

"What?" Sephiroth sighed.

"Look around you..." Cloud had been oblivious to the hoard of spiders that had gathered around him. He started to scream and flail his arms madly. Sephiroth then took this time to move the camera around in order to follow every one of the hero's moves. After letting him fall unconscious, Sephiroth changed him back into normal clothes and wheeled him out of the room. He handed the tape to one of the closest people working in the studio, and left with an evil smirk spread across his face.

(_Later..._)

The duo sat watching television. Sephiroth looked abnormally happy as Cloud glanced at him through the corner of his eye.

"Okay!" Cloud yelled. "What is it?!" Sephiroth only smiled wider and pointed to the tv. Cloud appeared on the television, in a tutu. Cloud could only gape as he saw himself run around wildly. His steam rising, Cloud lunged at Sephiroth. Who only put the Ultima weapon up. Cloud's head hit a plain side of the sword and he once again fell into unconsciousness.

A/N: Yep, I did more. This could be close to the end, but it could also be the middle place-thing. Yeah, let's go with that. There should be at least a few more chapters to this fic. Note the at least, meaning probably five. So, anyway... please review!


	13. Attack of the Preps

**A/N: **This is a personal nightmare, but then it gets happy... why I thought this up... to kill all preps! Muahahahahaha! Yes, ahem... now for a word with the reviewers!

**Raging Lion: **Woo Hoo! Rocking! Whatever that means... )eyes dart( anyhoo, you are welcome for the review. Just to let you know, my good friend O O told me about your story!

**KT:** YAY! We must all Happy dance for the one that is Sephiroth! We must all bow down to him and his god-ness! And we must all torture Couch Man! Muahahahahaha!

**Hallowed Shame: **Yes, 'tis a dark time for everyone (especially for people who live and/or latch onto the computer 24-7). Hence why I write more of this story...

**anothersephirothfan: **Bad spelling... AWAY! Sorry, couldn't resist. There's a worship Sephiroth club? Where?! Ye must tell me!

**Chapter name: **Demented Child: attack of the Preps!

**Story summary:** It's been a year since METEOR and everyone has returned, or made a new, home. Cloud opens the door to his house one day to find...

**Chapter summary:** Cloud takes Sephy to a middle school, only to get bombarded with...

**Rating:** PG-13 for mild language and all around demented-ness

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Final Fantasy VII or any thing mentioned within the game. Squaresoft does. I don't own Jones soda either. Or Barbie for that matter... Nor do I own the FF VIII characters, I just chibi-fied them.

**Warnings**: Preps with their... preppy-ness! ..and, and... Cloud! )Starts foaming at mouth( and Barbie... )starts to pick up lot's 'o swords( ... and The Almighty Sephiroth! )Suddenly peaceful(

**Another A/N:** This chapter is mostly dedicated to Hallowed Shame, whom despises all preps and wishes them all to die. Yes... so, this is for ye Hallowed Shame! Also, there isn't much Cloud bashing this chappie... but it's prep bashing!

:-$-$-:

Sephiroth was sitting in the train seat, his eye twitching as he watched the mountains pass by in a blur. Cloud had somehow pulled him out of the house and was now dragging him to a high school where Tifa worked. Why she worked there? No one really knows, but it seems to fit in perfectly with the plot line. Sephiroth creased his eyebrows as he tried to remember how Cloud had pulled him onto the train... Oh yeah, he threatened to bring Tifa over. Sephy had thought it over for a bit and decided to go with him, Tifa should have a little more self-control where she works.

Sighing, Sephiroth pulled at his hair and continued to stare lifelessly outside of the window. Cloud was sitting beside the boy, his legs crossed while he read some stupid magazine. Getting annoyed with the pullings of Sephy's hair, Cloud wacked Seph upside the head.

"..." Sephiroth lightly rubbed the back of his head and grumbled slightly , something about an idiot chocobo-head. Hmm... I wonder who that can be?

"Heh," Cloud smirked, and then went back to reading the idiot magazine. Of course, knowing Sephiroth, Sephy formulated a plot. Sure it wasn't up to his high standards, but anything to keep his mind off the near future.

Carefully, he turned his attention toward the seat in front of him. He slowly stuck his hand between the crack of the two seats placed in front of him. Feeling around for a bit, he hit a lever with his index finger. He slowly pulled it slightly back, a half-smirk on his face. His smirk grew full as he pulled the lever back fully, thereby crushing Cloud under the weight of a seat and a strategically placed bag of vegetables.

"Can't breath!!!!" Cloud choked out. Sephiroth ripped the magazine out of Cloud's hands and examined it for a moment. Slowly, he lifted his head to look at Cloud.

"Hair styling tips?" he said, not sure to laugh manically or scream at the top of his lungs. Cloud only continued to struggle under the weight of the vegetables. Getting no response (no really?), Sephiroth turned threw the magazine on the blonde's head and turned his attention, again, towards the window.

(_About an hour later..._)

They had arrived at a train station situated in the middle of Kalm. Kalm was now a thriving city, for some strange reason that doesn't really come to mind at the moment. Cloud was able to lift the bag of vegetables off of him with the help of a stewardess (And no, I don't know why they would have a stewardess on a train) and the person who owned the vegetables.

They walked towards a large high-school that laid on the limits of the city. Striding, Cloud whistled the chicken dance as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. Sephiroth cautiously advanced from the rear (doesn't that sound all military-like?), his eyes darting back and forth. Cloud smacked his head, brining Sephy into a defensive stance.

"She's still working..." he mumbled. Moving back into his normal position, Seph frowned.

"That obsessed whore works here?" Cloud quickly turned around and glared at the boy.

"She is not a whore!" he shouted, Sephiroth smirked slighty. This was going to be fun.

"She is a giant whore..." sure, he sounded like Zack. But it didn't really matter as long as he got to annoy Cloud to hell. "Didn't you see her flirting with Vincent on your little 'adventure?'" Cloud growled. Of course being evil has it's fun, so Sephy chuckled evilly. You know, like a 'muahahahaha' or maybe it was a buahahahahaha' I don't remember at the moment.

"Shut up..." Cloud said through gritted teeth. Sephiroth's smirk only widened. But of course, before he could further taunt the 'hero,' a bell rang.

"..." Sephiroth prepared himself for anything, mostly an onslaught of Wutains to rip sword through his gut. Cloud brightened considerably as people, of about sixteen, filed out of the rooms that they had once occupied. Sephiroth could only blink as a group of girls (with somewhat annoying clothes that said 'I'm easy,' 'I like totally rock,' and stuff like that... shuddering in corner now...) Ran up to him and started to poke and pull his cheeks.

"See ya' later, Seph!" Cloud said as he walked into one of the rooms. Chibi-Seph looked at the girls that surrounded him.

"He's like... sooooooo cute!" one girl squealed. Sephy winced at her squeal-like thing, for it was much too high-pitched for his sensitive ears.

"Not cuter than Justin..." another sighed.

"Justin Timberlake is like, sooooo old news." the other spat back.

"Would you like, shut up. I mean like, he's like totally hot, totally!" the two started to glare at each other as more girls came and started to poke Sephy.

"Stop it!" he slapped the girls' hand away and tried to turn around, but found that there was another one right there... hugging him... (but before you, the reader, get all mad at me. Note that this is not the end of the chapter... yet...) He noticed a large brown object on the ground near him. Then, he remember that Cloud had wrapped up his Ultima Weapon in brown paper so no one would guess that it was him, Cloud Strife... hero and all that crap.

He wriggled out of the girls hands, losing his jacket in the process, and grabbed the the sword. Quickly, he pulled off the paper and revealed the weapon. All the girls froze, but before the could even scream... Sephy shot out and cut all of their heads off. He cackled evilly, and then discarded the sword and looked around the campus for any ideas to torture Cloud.

:-$-$-:

**A/N: **Wow, not what I originally had planned... anyhoo, I have updated and that makes me all giddy inside. I've been a while, I know. But I've suffered a few headaches from some idiotic preps at my school. I'll update everything in a bit. Just give me time to recover from the onslaught of preppy-ness.


	14. Zack's here

**A/N:** Heh, I haven't worked on this in a long while... 'bout a month... or six weeks... thank school... I got a horrible idear from the e-mails KT and I sent each other... Muahahaha...

**labrat-seph: **Well... I know you hate preps... and they used (keyword: _used_) to go to school with me and I used to hang out with them. Yeah... let's go with I'll kill them once I get off of my arse.

**StarBella: **Thank you... I am a little crazy... and everyone loves Sephy! You'd have to be crazy-er than us Sephies not to. (That's pretty scitzo, ne?)

**Kato Shingestu: **Of, course. Everyone is now happy (especially us... whomever we turn out to be... is that right?)!!

**Raging Lion: **You know... you could continue writing.... and I'll continue to put up more chappies... dedicated to you... only if you continue (at least) your FF VII fic, I'll review. And The Raven can burn in Hell, what does she know? (Second review:) HAH! I'll win! I finally got a demented idea... so now you'll have to stay!!!

**KT: **Yes... and we wilt kill them all... with the help of a certain general, whom is now brother-in-law to labrat-seph.

**Kiwichocobo: **Yay! Well... you're a Cloud fan... yet want to see more Cloud bashing... Hmm... that makes me think... oh, well... that's never good!

**Chapter name:** Zack's here

**Story summary:** It's been a year since METEOR and everyone has returned, or made a new, home. Cloud opens the door to his house one day to find...

**Chapter summary:** O.o Zack/s awakened.... that hard to tell?

**Rating:** PG-13 for mild language and all around demented-ness

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Final Fantasy VII or any thing mentioned within the game. Squaresoft does. I don't own Jones soda either. Or Barbie for that matter... Nor do I own the FF VIII characters, I just chibi-fied them.

**Warnings**: Cloud stupidity, (and new emotion... )shudder( ) Tifa obsessive-ness, Zack-ness (heh, you'll see what I mean), and appearance by me, and Sephy demented-ness! )Drools heavily(

**Another A/N:** Heh, Sorry for the lack of updations... )eyes dart( Updation! Foundation! Schidlididlination! Sorry... it's just so catchy.

:-$-$-:

Mini-Sephy walked the campus, looking for anything to kill someone. Well, actually... he was pretty successful. First, the floor of the hallway (which was actually open, no walls) was jagged rocks, useful for bashing a mortals head in.... like a watermelon. Then the actual walls of the buildings were jaggedly built. The were uneven, an even better place to smash a skull. As Sephy contemplated, he heard a familiar voice.

"SEPH!!" it cried. "Where are ya'?" Sephy looked around... a large man (much better looking than Cloud, of course) with black hair was walking down the halls. A heavy sword upon his back. _He looks comewhat familiar..._ though Sephy. It hit him, this was the man he went to Mideel to search for.

"Zachary!" he cried, turning, stern faced to the man. He cringed, letting his shoulders droop. He walked over to the him... his eyes closed.

"Aww... Seph... why do ya' always have ta call me that...?" he opened his eyes and looked up to find air. "Uhh... are you invisible?" Chibi-seph cleared his throat. The man looked down, and about fell over from shock. "YOU'RE A KID!" Sephy glared. "A FREAKIN' KID!" he turned away. "FFlove didn't even turn me into a kid..." he mumbled. Sephy;s eyes went wide.

"WHHAAAAAAAAATTTTTT?!?!?!" it wasn't natural for Sephy to scream... but this was an exception. "You know her!?!?!" he alerted a certain obsessed woman and obsessed man( you'll see...) In a near-by room.

"Umm..." Zack sweat dropped, his eyes darting to and fro. "No?" Sephy was near strangling the man, when a door behind him opened. It was a brunette... no... it was the obsessed brunette that loved to call him that one special name...

"SEPHY!!!" she squealed, picking up the boy and crushing his body against her giant ballon-sized breasts. "I've missed you!!" Cloud was standing behind her, tapping her shoulder.

"About that thing we were talking about..." he said. She slowly turned her smiling face to him and glared.

"Not now..." she hissed, turning her attention back to the chibi-man in her arms. "Can't you see that I'm hugging Sephy?" Zack shrunk slightly at the sight of this man, taking a step back. Sephy recognized this action, and smirked. He was now able to breath, so he threw a comment at the man. Even though he was a friend, he could only endure so much preppy-ness.

"What's the matter General, don't you recognize the grunt?" Zack's eyes widened. He put a finger to his mouth and shook it, not wanting to alert the idiot of his presence.

"But can't we talk about it now..." Cloud continued to talk to the woman. Tifa, getting fed up, threw Sephy into Zack (successfully knocking Zack to the ground). She tugged on her fighting gloves and advanced towards Cloud. "Eep?" Cloud ran for his life, with Tifa chasing. Zack groaned and pushed the sitting Sephy off of his stomach.

"He gone?" Sephy smirked. He then looked toward the two running figures... headed towards them. "WHAT?!?!" Sephy threw a map in his face and chuckled evilly. Boy, how he liked to laugh at people's expenses. Cloud tripped over a rock, and Tifa stopped beside him. Cloud was badly bruised.

"Had enough?" she asked, smirking. Sephy sweat dropped and looked toward the shrinking Zack. He then looked toward the sniffling Cloud.

"Yes..." he mumbled. Sephy smirked and got another idea...

"Hey Strife!" Cloud's head jerked up to look at the boy.

"Oh, so you want to torture me now too..." he sniffled. Sephy chucckled, letting his shoulders heave back with the force. Running a hand through his hair, he pointed towards Zack.

"He's been waiting for you..." Cloud brightened and shoved Tifa away, whom then hit the wall with the back of her head. Cloud jumped up and hugged Zack around the waiste.

"Zacky-poo!" Cloud cried, Tifa pulled herself off the wall at stared at him.

"What?" she asked. Zack struggled in Cloud's grip.

"I'll get you for this, Seph!" he struggled some more.

"I thought you loved me!!!" Tifa wailed. Cloud didn't loosen his grip on Zack, but glared at her.

"You were always second in my eyes..." he then thought for a moment (wheres the shattering glass?!) "Actually..." he paused again. "You were third." Tifa's jaw dropped.

"How dare you!" she cried, tears running down her face. "You suck you horny bastard!!" Cloud looked to Zack and smiled lovingly.

"Can you say 'mood-swings,' love?" Cloud nuzzled Zack's neck as Tifa looked on in horror.

"FFLOVE!!!" Zack screamed. "You have to help me!!!" Sephy's eyes widened, yet again.

"WHY?!?!" A voice from the sky called back.

"Please..." he begged. "Haven't you tortured me enough?" there was silence for a moment, even Cloud was listening intently.

"Nope." Zack stared at the clouds. Sephy followed his gaze, and saw a girl sitting on one.

"Please! He's raped me enough times!!!!" Tifa jumped back.

"RAPE?!?!?!" she screamed. Zack and Cloud looked blankly at her.

"Yes..." Cloud hugged Zack closer. "He wasn't willing.... he had Aeris... so I had to do it..." he nuzzled Zack again. "Isn't that right Zacky-poopoo?" Zack struggled again.

"PLEEEEEEEAAAAAASSSSSSSEEEEEEEE!!!!" more silence... five... four... three... two...

"Fine..." she sighed. A familiar figure swooped down and hit Cloud over the head... sending him flying into a wall. On the other side of the wall was a group of teens.

"Isn't that Cloud?" one cried.

"The leader of AVALANCHE?" another asked. Rumors started to spread like wildfire about Cloud (who really gives a crap?).

"Happy, Zack?!" she cried, smacking his head. "You better stay in the right story next time... or I might not be so helpful." Zack whimpered, and then hid behind Sephy. "Son't hide behind the Almighty ONE!!!!" she kicked him out of the way. "HA!" Tifa tapped her shoulder. "Efa?" the girl turned, and got clocked.

"I'm not sure if I should jump for joy... or hide in horror..." the girl sat up and rubbed her jaw.

"That bloddy hurt!" Tifa stared, practiacally burning a hole into the girl. "WHAT?!"

**A/N: **I told you, a showing of me. Heh, you should review... I leave you at a cliffie... oyu peoples have to give me some ideas so I can be content in continuing this fic... 'till I actually decide to end this fic.... this is the fic that never ends! Heh, couldn't resist! Well, review... lest this fic join my other failed thingy-maboppers in the trash-can! Muahahahahaha )couch, falls over(...


	15. Escape

**A/N: **Heh... I'm back... missed me? 'Course ya' didn't. Heh, now let's get to this before my humor suddenly vanishes within the day (it's five thirty in the morning as I'm typing this). So...

**KT: **Yep... but after I wrote it... I realized that I was attacking Zack... not Cloud... )sniff( I wish it would work the other way around... but then it wouldn't be as fun.

**Labrat-seph: **excellent... )drums fingers together(... I'll save those idears for later... )sticks ideas in pocket, where they'll become blue(

**Kato Shingestu: **O.o They're so... shiny... )throws lit firework at Cloud, it explodes in his hair, Cloud runs into a tree screaming something about gel( Mehehehehehehehehe...

**Chapter name:** Escape

**Story summary:** It's been a year since METEOR and everyone has returned, or made a new, home. Cloud opens the door to his house one day to find...

**Chapter summary:** Zack leaves and Sephy and Cloud escape the preps!

**Rating:** PG-13 for mild language and all around demented-ness

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Final Fantasy VII or any thing mentioned within the game. Squaresoft does. I don't own Jones soda either. Or Barbie for that matter... Nor do I own the FF VIII characters, I just chibi-fied them.

**Warnings**: Pain for Cloud )dances around a bit, stops( Uh... I mean... Waah! And Sephy evil-ness-ness.... )eyes dart( mehehehehehehehehe...

**Another A/N:** RANDOM... and I came up with this idea all by myself... well, it was random... and I'm saving labrat's... so neh! )Sticks tongue out(

:-$-$-:

Cloud was suddenly kicked in the face by a tennis shoe. The owner of that shoe, putting her weight on a certain black-haired ex-general as the slow motion reel continued to go... in slow motion... Cloud was then rammed into Tifa, whom rammed into the wall on force of impact... still in slow motion. Time returned to it's normal flow as Sephy casted haste on them.

"As much as I love the pain and sufferance of Zack, I must decline in this affair. He's been raped by you too many times, and this is your torture time... not his!" she stood upon Zack, whom was desperately trying to push her off of him.

"Can't breath..." he muttered, losing air fast. He looked to chibi-Sephy, whom had already grabbed a large pipe from the wall. "Shit..." Zack muttered. Sephy then swung the pipe and Zack, along with the girl flew up into the air.

"On a random note!" the girl shouted. "Team Rocket's blasting off again!"the last shout echoed throughout the school.

"Well..." Sephy said, letting the pipe land onto the ground with a lot 'o clinking. "At least their gone..." Tifa now realized that Sephy was only about three seconds away.

"Excuse me..." she dropped Cloud and went in a mad rush and grabbed Sephy around the neck, hugging fiercely. Sephy's eyes turned a blue color, then red.... gaze in splendor at them... and they still got that wonderful mako tint! Sephy clawed at Tifa's hand, but to no avail. She continued to suffocate him... once again... for the... someteenth time this story.Cloud grabbed at Tifa's skirt. "What?"

"Umm..." Cloud pointed to a group of students... drooling over Cloud (gaah!).

"Oh, yeah..." Tifa carefully set Sephy down and walked over to Cloud. "Get to your classes, break is over!" the students obeyed, and quickly. The hall was devoid of any beings, except the three, and absurdely quiet. "Okay, you two should get going, they'll be a mob soon." Cloud stared at her.

"It's the calm before the storm..." Sephy muttered. Tifa nodded, and kissed the top of the boy's head. She then turned around and motioned for them to leave. But before that could happen, a large earthquake shuddered the Planet.

"They're coming..." Tifa whispered.

"Who?" Cloud whispered back, the quaking rumble deafening.

"The preps! Run for it!" Cloud, Sephy, and Tifa ran. But Tifa slowed down and waited for them. She was soon swallowed up by some strange pink mass.

"They got Tifa!" Sephy jumped onto Cloud's back, and then off as he aproached a staircase. "But I'm no good at stairs!" Sephy was already at the bottom as Cloud tripped over himself and fell all the way down the stairs. The mass didn't care about the blonde one now.... but the chibified one. Sephy blinked, and ran. Ran like a general should! Cloud was behind him, tears streaming down his bruised, and funny looking, face.

"Sephy!" the mass cried in a deep voice, making the ground tremble... even more. Sephy and Cloud reached the short fence placed along the east end of the school. Sephy, being his smart self, jumped over it... while Cloud ran through it, successfully getting himself tangled with wire.The huge pink mass stopped behind them, shrugged, and dispersed into a million screaming and whining preps.

'_I though I killed them all..._' Sephy thought bitterly. Among the annoying people, was Tifa. Her face held an evil smirk, and she was now wearing a pink version of her clothes. Sephy continued to look strait ahead, just now realizing that they were headed to Midgar. He readied his bat.

:-$-$-:

**A/N: **Yes, I know. Short, and a cliffie. But I wanted to make another chappie so you people, whom are horibbly disappointed with my last chappie, wilt stay. I already have an idea for Midgar, well... the basic layout... then what will happen next chappie... yeah.. Let's go with that... REVIEW PEOPLE! Lest this fic 'tis not continued!


	16. Sugar High at Midgar

**A/N:** I was just re-reading one of my earlier chappies for this fic. I got a wonderfully demented idea for one...

**StarBella**: No... they won't... they just keep on living... but getting tortured as well... )evil twitch grin(

**Raging lion: **Too bad! I'm the author... and I'm having fun... also because I realized that I needed to post some more chapters before I burned out my newly re-awakened humor senses _2nd _Yes... we somewhat are.... but.... no... not really... _3rd_ I forgive you (though I'm not sure why you would want to review my shitty stories) and I do want the finale chappies of your fic! _4th and 5th _Ha! I like torturing people!

**Kato Shingestu: **)sniff( that is so sad! )Cries(

**KT: **Yes...but they'll die soon... I hope... and good thing Cloud so stupid! 'Cause I love watching him writhe in agony!

**Chapter name:** Sugar High at Midgar

**Story summary:** It's been a year since METEOR and everyone has returned, or made a new, home. Cloud opens the door to his house one day to find...

**Chapter summary:** Heh... A sugar High.... Midgar... the pieces fit!

**Rating:** PG-13 for mild language and all around demented-ness

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Final Fantasy VII or any thing mentioned within the game. Squaresoft does. Or Barbie for that matter... Nor do I own the FF VIII characters, I just chibi-fied them.

**Warnings**: heh... more Cloud )Twitched randomly( and Sephy )mad cheering from a large and random audience that happens to be on the tv(

**Another A/N:** Heh... I'm going to have soo... much fun. Also, I'll keep savingLabrat's ideas until I use them. Those ideas that I use wilt be in the dissy-claimer!

:-$-$-:

Chibi-Sephy walked beside Cloud, whom was still tangled within the fence wires. Go ahead, laugh at his stupidity! It's fun! Continuing... Cloud had no weapon at the moment, seeing as Sephy used it to kill most of the preps, and Sephy was limited to a bat and his Hojo killing knife. Suddenly an idea formed in his God-like brain.

"Cloud?" the man looked over to the boy.

"What?" he asked bitterly, he goes cu-clunk-cu-cu-clunk!

"What would you say if I used yo as a decoy?" Cloud stared at the ex-general-that-had-been-chibified as if he were insane... no wait... more insane... wouldn't that be.. Insan... er? Efa.

"Are you joking me?" Cloud asked, in a joking tone. Sephy shook his head and continued his march forward. Slowly, Sephy stuck a hand into his pocket, looking for his Hojo killing picture. But, gasp! He didn't have it, he only had a few pixie sticks he had meant to throw at Selphie's head once he got to school (Poor Sephy!)

"Just when I need it..." he mumbled. He was positive that he could scare off any fiend with that picture. Well... not that he needed it for that, it was more like a way to relieve stress than anything else. Deciding that this could be the best possible outcome, Sephy pulled out one of his pixie sticks.

"Oh, no you don't!" Cloud said sternly, pulling the paper covered, flavored, sugar, away from the boy. Sephy stared a moment at his empty hand as Cloud continued ahead, but... Cloud forgot about the ones in our favorite ex-general's pocket! Hehehe.... Pulling another one out, Sephy tore the top off. Bringing it to his nose, he sniffed. Last time didn't go so well... he was hoping that it would be better.

"Come one, Seph!" Cloud cried, a few kilometers ahead.... wait.... how'd that happen? But then, time suddenly stopped, and the scene of Sephy sniffing a pixie stick, anc Cloud being ahead of him, froze. Then, a certain ex-sub-general of the ShinRa army walked in front of them, in color, as if they were in the tv.

"This is a sugar high moment!"he said happily, holding up a 'Ohh...' sign. "Brought to you by sugar," he pulled out a large bag of sugar and placed it on his left arm. "Pixie sticks," giant bag on the right arm. "And Kodak." a Kodak disposable camera then landed on his head. "I'm Zack, your host to sugar high moments. Thank you for your time." He vanished and time started right where it left off, and color returned to the already bleak landscape and people... Sephy doesn't count for that.

Cloud shook his head, wondering what had just happened. He then noticed that the little boy, the great ex-general Sephy, had somehow disappeared.

"Muahahahahahahaha!" some chibified evil laughter rang out, making the ground shudder. Cloud distinctively ran toward the voice, and lo and behold. He saw the person, sitting on a bench below the large cliff in front of Midgar. "Smile and you will be on candy camera!" there was more laughter, which now had a passerby looking strangely at the boy. "Death to you all!" he said, turning his head madly, the whites of his mako eyes showing.

"Seph, what are you doing...?" Cloud asked, as he jumped down to the chibified phsyco. The boy, whom had started laughing evilly again, stared at Cloud, then scooted to the other end of the bench and pointed at him. All while saying:

"AH! A silly duck!" he continued to point as Cloud looked increasingly confused. There was silence for a moment, as Cloud looked to the intent passersby.

"...what's a duck...?" they al shrugged their shoulder and looked at each other. Cloud kind of looked around at the area in which the chibified insane ex-general of the ShinRa army once stood. He was gone, but looking up, he saw that the boy was standing on a lamp post.

"All hail me!" he waved his arms. "You shall all have green non-toxic jell-O with flashlights, so as to make it glow." he shouted. He jumped down and onto the bench, without cracking it. Amazing as ever, sir! "And have a horrible life! Dictionaries for you all!" he jumped away and on to a passing car, which happened to be a delivery truck to 'Panda's dictionary store,' and ripped open the roof of the back of the truck-that-looked-like-a-car-but-was-really-a-truck, causing the driver of the truck-ish thing to come to a screeching halt, and pulled out a large box. He lifted it over his head and chucked it at Cloud, who wasn't able to avoid it, he then grabbed a few more, carrying on his head and two on his arms, and ran off to Midgar, yelling, "Dictionaries for you stupid people! Read them!"

"Are you alright?" a certain familiar person, grr..., asked. Cloud's head was currently stuck in the box, burning at the crinkling of the pages. But, who cares about Cloud? Let's join Sephy on his sugar high journey, shall we?

So far, the very hyper little boy clothed in leather had successfully thrown all of the dictionaries at peoples heads and was currently outrunning the SOLDIERs that were chasing him. He still carried the metal bat, Hojo killing knife, and the three boxes, which he just now remembered. Chucking them at his followers, he laughed as he, literally, watched their downfall. He then pulled out the bat, don't ask me where he keeps it, and hit the nearest building... it clasped.... on top of the SOLDIERs... ouch...

"MUAHAHAHAHA!" He cackled and continued to attack the buildings. White dust filled the air and he was covered with it. All was silent, then he laughed, causing dust to poof out of his mouth. There weren't any people around, so he swung the bat onto his shoulder, probably dislocating it, and let his eyelids droop. "What to do now..." Suddenly, the annoying materia obsessed brat popped up.

"I'm going to save Cloud from you!" she cried, pulling out her Conformer, Cloud, whom was weaponless (other than an empty box), was behind her. Sephy pointed at Yuffie and started to vibrate, shaking, to make the effect more dramatic.

"You... you..." he rasped. "BROWN CHICKEN!" He cried, making Yufie fall over. "Tthe brown chicken that eats glowing stuff! You're going to eat my glowing stuff! AHH!" but then, Sephy fell over, and went into a deep slumber. The two idiots just stared, and then Cloud poked Sephy.

"Great... now I have to carry him home..." he muttered. He slung the mighty boy over his shoulder and headed off. "Thanks Yuf..." he said smiling and patting her shoulder. "...for whatever you did, bye." he walked away as the overly-preppy girl jumped up and down, waving good-bye, then a large cinder block fell on her head.

(_Later...)_

Cloud kicked open the door and threw Sephy onto the couch, and fell face first onto the floor. Barbie, whom was making some sort of living monster in the kitchen, looked out.

"Wow!" she said, very enthusiastically. "I was wondering why you two didn't eat your dinner last night and breakfast this morning." she said putting her hands on her hips, she laughed, and Cloud laughed slightly too. "Why didn't you?" With that, Cloud pushed himself up, face plastered with a giant fake smile, and walked into his room, slamming the door shut. She looked to the deeply asleep boy, shrugged, and walked back into the kitchen, where the monsters were playing five card draw.

**A/N: **Whew! Finally, this update was long. Please don't keep track of update dates, but I'm still working on the other fics )hides behind chair( I'm not abandoning any of them! Anyhoo, I leave you at that and... REVIEW! Yeah, that's about it... please review!


	17. Children of Pink Part I

**A/N:** Heh... I'm very hyyyyypppperrr.. Hehehehe... I was just yelling at the telly... hey? Wow... I shouldn't have sugar... )eyes dart( or should I?  
**KT: **Yep, it is! The Almighty One has now found a new weapon against us! One of our... )starts to count fingers( ...uh... )crosses eyes(... Many weaknesses... yeah... let's go with that  
**MizunoAmi45: **Muahahahahahaha... but... at least I'm updating something... something random!  
**Labrat-seph: **Need I beware your wrath more? Efa? Well, when ye doeth send me a piccy of OWA, wilt I add him into the story... Muahahahahahahahaha  
**Kato Shingestu: **OH, yeah! )Starts dancing( That's spendablious! Or... special... something around those lines....  
**Jazze Al-Bhed-Girl: **Go ahead and poison the water supply! Muahahahaha! I drink only soda... at the moment... and then I drink hot chocolate... oh wait... that's part water.  
**Ren-chan: **YEP! I was on one of my random streaks... and it fit in with my mind at that particular moment..thingie... mabopper...  
**Ultimecia: **... I don't make Cloud look _that_ stupid... only in pain... and the people on the 'Planet' haven't heard of ducks... though they have duck-looking fiends... which confuddles me so.... and actually, I don't really know what kind of review I was expecting of a twelve-year old Mexican girl...  
**Chapter name:** The Children of Pink Part I  
**Story summary:** It's been a year since METEOR and everyone has returned, or made a new, home. Cloud opens the door to his house one day to find...  
**Chapter summary:** Sephy is flipping through the channels on the television, and something horribly happens... and it included BARBIE!  
**Rating:** PG-13 for mild language and all around demented-ness  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own Final Fantasy VII or any thing mentioned within the game. Squaresoft does. Or Barbie for that matter... Nor do I own the FF VIII characters, I just chibi-fied them. Nor do I own any Barbie products (I created some of the names, don't worry, if they are actually real, I'm scared)  
**Warnings**: Sephy! Shield your eyes! You too readers! It too pink!!!  
**Another A/N: **my backpack broke the other day, the left strap too... right before first period. But now... I have a better one... It's black with silver-ness! Why I am telling you this.... well... I just am, now go read the other random-ness!

:----------:

The chibified ex-general of the ShinRa army was sitting on the new pink couch. Pink... of all things, Sephiroth thought as he was flipping through the television channels at an astonishing rate. At the moment, no one was home. Evidently, the giant, walking, Barbie went out shopping, and Cloud went out to have some 'alone time' at the bar. He was sure he would be alone all day, he was wrong... darn it! He never should be wrong, but he was!

After getting annoyed at the television, which was only playing the mind-numbing dribble that is the 'Telly Tubbies,' he threw the remote at it. It fizzed, and then went black. He quirked an eyebrow, but sighed and shook his head. Leaping off of the couch, he walked over to his room, that was when there was a knock on the door. '_This seems eerily familiar..._' he thought, but then recalled the time when he first arrived on Cloud's doorstep. Wait.... this was just a ploy for him to open the door, he thought slightly deeper. Another knock broke him out of the trance, and he shook his perfect head. He continued to think, then the doorbell rang. Getting extremely irritated, he walked over to the door, pulling the string on it because he still couldn't reach the handle, and forced it open.

And there stood a small girl in pink, actually, the same size as Sephy. Behind the girl were a few other girls, one a teenager, all of them smiling. And behind them, stood a smiling Barbie, Sephy kind of, took a step back... can you blame him? What would you do if you suddenly found a handful of life-size barbies come to life, and knock on your door? Shoot them all, right?

"Hi Sephy!" the children said in unison. Sephy took a step back, and they all rushed in. Luckily, he was able to jump out of the way of their stampeding feet.

"Sephy!" Barbie cried happily, walking in. "I found my family wandering around," she said with that creepy smile. "And I decided to bring them here. They're going to be staying with us!" Sephy stared at her, mouth agape, eyes wide. "Well, they're actually all my little sisters," she giggled at this point, "and they will be staying with us! Wait until I tell Cloud!" she giggled again. "Sisters, Sephy will help you settle in. Be sure to thank him!" she giggled, and turned to face the door.

"Yes sister!" the all said eerily. So eerily, in fact, that Sephy turned his horrified gaze from Barbie to the children.

"Oh!" Barbie cried, halting before she reached the door. "Sisters, introduce yourselves to Sephy while you're at it!" she then ran out the door, smiling eerily.

"Yes sister!" the girls cried in unison, again, as the creepy Barbie person ran out of the door, slamming it shut behind her. That's when they turned on Sephy. There were four girls, each different heights.

"I'm Kelly!" The smallest one cried. Sephy just stared at her. She had blonde hair that went to her knees, a pink dress, and a pink teddy bear cradled in her left arm's nook.

"I'm Charlotte!" the next one up, beside Kelly, said. This one had brunette hair that went to her mid-back, pink overalls, with a pink shirt underneath, and a pink backpack.

"I'm Janet!" the next one said. She had black hair that went to her thighs, with a pink streak through it, a pink skirt, and a pink swimsuit top, complete with a pink towel in her right arm.

"And I'm Skipper!" the tallest one cried. This last one had light brunette hair, a pink sailor's shirt, pink jeans, and pink sunglasses over her eyes.

During this time, Sephy quirked an eyebrow, frightened by the sudden appearance of the girls, hissed slightly at how much pink they wore, backed away slightly, and armed himself with a pink cushion.

"Pink!" Kelly cried, dropping her bear, and running up to the cushion Sephy was holding. She was obviously expecting to push him over with the force she put ob the cushion. But... when she hugged the cushion, she then fell to the floor, via the force of gravity. Sephy kind of then dropped the cushion on her head, oblivious to the stares of the other Barbie sisters.

"You killed her!" Charlotte screamed. Janet shook her head at this.

"She's just sleeping," Skipper said eerily. "Besides, Sister said that nothing died." she giggled, just like Barbie at this time. The two smiled and nodded their heads, then Skipper walked over, still smiling eerily, and picked up Kelly.

"Show us where we'll be, Sephy!" Charlotte cried happily. Sephy stared at them, but was just about to pull his Hojo-killing knife from his boot, when the door was thrown violently open. And there stood Cloud, out of breath, with Barbie on his shoulders.

"Yay! We're there!" she cried, flinging her shoeless feet in the air. Wait... she had shoes, the other people didn't. Sephy just noticed that, but shook his head. He didn't want to be observant at the moment.

"Seph, what, in the name of Gaia, is going on?" he asked, Barbie sliding off of his back. He simply pointed at the Barbie sisters.

"Ask your maid."

:----------:

**A/N: **I leave you at a cliffie, short and sweet too... like the beginning. But, I just really want to update something, and more Cloud bashing and stuff will be here next chappie. Bear with me, I have much writer's block at the moment, but I promise that there will be more randomness next chappie, okay.... and Cloud bashing... and Sephy worship. Please review, I'll update soon...er than I did this! REVIEW, I beg of thee, reviewer!


	18. Children of Pink Part II

**A/N:** 0.o I am feeling loved...

**Kato Shingestu: **Yay, you! I'm happy.... for you. And there will be guns for sale at the end of the chappie, and the Barbie shooting range will be open.  
**KT: **Survival of the black-leather! Not the pink!  
**Labrat-seph: **Next chappie, most likely! Now, would I say you, or someone else owns OWA?  
**Kiki-sama: **NO! It isn't! He's torturing Cloud for all the suffering that he has been caused! But... Barbie is part of this, though it remains unknown to the creator why it was planned.  
**SquirrelMoose Cometh: **Hehehe. Yes... )drums fingers together( Cloud is stupid and Sephiroth is cool... Muahahahahahahaha. Prepare for more Cloud suffering!  
**Chapter name:** The Children of Pink Part II  
**Story summary:** It's been a year since METEOR and everyone has returned, or made a new, home. Cloud opens the door to his house one day to find...  
**Chapter summary:** Barbies... do something.... something pink.... and preppy.... )hisses and shimmies away(  
**Rating:** PG-13 for mild language and all around demented-ness  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own Final Fantasy VII or any thing mentioned within the game. Squaresoft does. Or Barbie for that matter... Nor do I own the FF VIII characters, I just chibi-fied them. Nor do I own any Barbie products (I created some of the names, don't worry, if they are actually real, I'm scared)  
**Warnings: **GAAH! It's burning my flesh! SAVE YOURSELVES!  
**Another A/N:** I am very giddy at the moment.... mehehehehehehehe!

:$-$:

The blonde warrior, just stared at the four, five if Barbie Malibu is included, creepy smiling girls in his house, assorted ages. Now, it didn't take long for Cloud to let his mouth move up and down in silent words. Sephy just moved his stare from the new arrivals, the creepy barbies. Cloud took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair.

"Well..." he turned to the Barbie sisters. "What do you want?" he asked, as politely as he could.

"We need a place to live!" the smallest one, Kelly, sried, jumping up and down.

"And Dearly, beloved Sister was the only one we knew that was close by." the tallest, Skipper, added.

"So," Barbie said, smile widening. "What do you say? Can they live with us?" Cloud rubbed his neck.

"I guess... but-" he never got to finish his sentence, for five women attacked him with hugs, sending him flying to the floor. Mini-Sephiroth allowed himself a smirk and walked over to his bedroom door, deciding to leave Cloud in total pain. That was when the small one attacked.

Sephy had just opened his door, with the string's help, when a small girl rammed him into him and pushed him inside. Well, actually, she had pried herself onto his waist with a giant hug. The door slammed closed as Cloud ran by with the barbies following him, hoping to give him more hugs. So, his room was engulfed in darkness.

"Release me," Sephiroth hissed. There was no movement, except for the fact that everywhere Sephy went, she was attached, for the moment. And, Sephy was moving back towards his bed, and bat, in hopes of attacking this rabid creature. But, while continuing his trek, his door opened. Causing his hands to instinctivily fly up over his eyes and his mouth to open in a hiss. Lo, and behold whom stood at the door, Squall, Zell, and Seifer. They were all, kind of, staring at Sephy.

"Where is pink! Must have pink!" Kelly cried. Sephy thought of the perfect plan at this moment, and a small smirk creeped onto his lips.

"Go!" he pointed to the door, where the boys jumped out of his finger's way. "For Cloud is pink!" she turned her gaze from his abs to his face.

"Really?" she asked, hearts in her eyes.

"Really." Sephy smirked as the small barbie-person ran out of his room and after Cloud. He then turned his attention to the three boys staring at him, rather awkwardly. "May I help you?" he inquired, continuing his walk to the plain bed in the corner of his room.

"Seph, who was that?" Seifer asked, his finger pointing in the general direction of the area in which Kelly disappeared to.

"Yeah," Zell commented, hunching his shoulders. "She kind of scared me."

"..." Squall added intently, with so much enthusiam, that his two friends stared at him. He only shrugged and they watched as Sephy pulled out a metal bat from under his bed. The just kind of stood there, in awe.

"Cloud got you that?!" Zell asked, practically screaming. Sephy's ears twitched and he glared at Zell.

"Yes," he said emotionlessly.

"And he let you keep it?!" he continued.

"Yes," he replied, monotone.

"And he let's you use it?!" he cried, getting another breath.

"Yes," by now, his eyes was twitching.

"And-" Zell's mouth was covered by Seifer's gloved hand.

"Nice bat. What ya' going to use it for?" he asked, doing his best to stare at Sephy's glowing eyes without flinching, so far, it was three seconds.

"Kill five demon witches and one idiot." at his words, Zell cringed. Seifer, continued to stare. Fifteen seconds.

"Oh, and what would their names be?" at this he received a full out glare, which caused him to look away.

"Kelly, Charlotte, Janet, Skipper, Barbie, and Cloud." Seifer looked at him, vision blurry, as if he were insane... well, let's just say that he doesn't know how insane Sephy really is.

"You must be insane!" Zell shouted, jumping out of Seifer's grip. "You can't kill the Hero that destroyed Sephiroth!" Sephy just smirked.

"I did once, now I'll do it again." with that, he walked down the hallway, with the three boys trailing behind. There was silence, until Cloud's shout came from an open door to their right. Sephy entered it and started down the stairs as Cloud shouted:

"Back! Back!" there was then the sound of swords clattering around. "Stay away!" When Sephy rounded the corner, there stood Cloud, pinned against the wall, a chair out before him, being used as a shield, with five girls, all clothed in pink, were around him. Upon seeing this of their hero, Squall, Zell, and Seifer jumped, with a look of horror.

"Hehe..." Sephy licked his lips, and was about to run at Cloud with the bat, when he realized that he was in the basement, where Cloud kept all of him weapons. So, he quickly discarded the shiny metal bat for the somewhat rusty, but still shiny Buster Sword. Putting it above his shoulder, he ran. In his direct line of attack, were his six targets. Unfortunately, something horrible happened.

"Sephy!" Barbie cried, scooping him into her arms, causing the Buster Sword to fall to the floor with a clash. The scene stood still for a moment, as the barbie girls stopped their attack on Cloud and turned to face their older sister.

"Sephy!" they all cried in unison, storming the ex-general in Barbie's arms. Cloud sighed heavily and dropped the chair onto the ground. The students carefully walked past the cloud of pink, on the tips of their toes, and then ran to Cloud.

"Are ya' alright?" Zell asked, fear in his voice. Cloud stood up strait, and dusted off his armor.

"I'm fine," he said, voice even. He looked at the boy's a moment, and then inquired, "Where's Seph?"

"Right here!" Skipper cried, drawing his attention toward the barbies.

"In pink!" Kelly practically screamed. Cloud let his mouth hang open for a second, then he started to laugh uncontrollably. For Sephy was standing there, a pink wig on his hair, a pink cloak brought around his body, and a clip on pink shirt, pants, and boots... it looked as if the pink was shriveling too...

"May I kill him..." he asked himself, expecting no reply. But someone did.

"Yes!" Barbie said from behind him, causing the chibified man to jump. "As long as you wear pink, you can do anything you desire!" A smirk crossed Sephiroth's lips.

"So..." he began, clasping his hands together. "I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, as long as I wear pink?" Barbie, and her sisters, nodded.

"As long as you wear pink." Barbie's sisters nodded.

"How much pink?" Kelly smiled and pointed to her fingernail.

"Only a little bit!" Barbie nodded.

"Not much, but enough to show." Sephy's smirk widened until it practically reached his ears. He turned about, and faced the collapsed Cloud, and cracked his knuckles.

(_Later..._)

Cloud was holding an ice pack to his head, while the barbie girls ushered the three boys out of the door. Soon, all of the five barbies had settled into doing some form of helpful task. Barbie was preparing a meal (GAH! Monsters!), Skipper was rewiring all of the house circuits, Janet was dusting, Charlotte was cleaning, and Kelly was orginizing anything she could reach. Sephy, on the other hand, was stripping himself of the pink and dropping it onto the couch. He then walked into his room. Cloud watched the girls, and Sephy, go about their business, and sighed. This was going to be a long stay.

**:$-$:**

**A/N: **Mehehehehehehehehehehehe. So, Sephy gets what he wants, at a price, of course. But, it's a somewhat doable price, is it not? Sure, the end of the world maybe, but if it's to kill Cloud... he'll do it. Anyway.... REVIEW! Please, I'm somewhat begging! Please! REVIEW-NESS-ES I NEED!


	19. Counseling

**A/N: **Sorry for the delay-ness peoples… of many nations… I've been replaying FFVII, 'nuf said.  
**SquirrelMoose Cometh: **Well… I definitely agree with you that Sephy is cool and Cloud is obscenely idiotic. Yeah… (2nd review) Okay… I'm glad you understand… since I'm not one who likes to explain stuff.  
**Labrat-Seph: **Yeah… )sniffles( I know…  
**Kato Shingestu: **Alright! )sets up Barbie shooting range( get to it… after the chappie, though…  
**Kokipop: **)eyes dart( Of course not… muahahahaha… )eyes dart(  
**KT: **I know… but the Almighty One is chibified and well… it would be worse if he were still active general of the ShinRa army… n.n  
**Kiki-sama: **He will… of course he will… but then… Cloud might've died by then… leaving him with no one to torture and nothing to do…  
**Seiferzellsquall: **I'm working on more demented-ness! Don't rush me!  
Zack: -.-;;;;;  
**Lord Batman: **NOOOOO! I… must… escape… the annoying…ness…ness… but HA! Here! I'm updating! No more annoyance! HA!  
**Chapter name: **Counseling  
**Story Summary: **It's been a year since METEOR nd everyone has returned, or made a new, home. Cloud opens his door one day to find…  
**Chapter Summary: **Somehow, the school didn't recognize Sephy's insanity earlier, and they're just now sending him to the counselor. What's up with that?  
**Rating: **PG-13 for mild language and all around demented-ness  
**Disclaimer: **Don't own Final Fantasy VII or anything mentioned within the game. Squaresoft does. OR Barbie for that matter… Nor do I own the FFVIII characters, I just chibified them. Nor do I on any Barbie products (I created some of the names, don't worry, if they are real, I'm scared). Also… the counselor just happens to be some random made up character that I made up off of the top of my head. And… I do not own Rikku, she is a FFX character and is property of SquareEnix.  
**Warning: **)shivers( Tifa… the Barbie people… Cloud… and couselors! Run for your lives! But… The goldy ex-general is still there! YAY! But… a hyper evil person… cover your minds!  
**Another A/N: **I don't know why I continue… but it must be written…

-$-$-

The chibified ex-general sat in his desk while the teacher continued their 'lesson' on how the sky would turn red if children did bad things… and then fall on their heads. Sighing, he started to flick his hair. Not only had he somehow survived the attack of Barbie and her sisters…but he had gotten to beat Cloud up. On the other hand… Tifa was coming over at about five, and Cloud had told her to wear pink.

Zell had overheard his sigh, and tilted across the aisle to speak to the silver haired… boy. "Hey, Seph." he whispered. "What's wrong?"

Sephiroth shook his head, staring at the teacher as she ran around her desk, trying to describe the horrors of the falling sky. "You wouldn't understand…" he muttered, running a hand through his hair. "…and… the teacher's wrong…"

Zell was taken aback. "She can't be wrong!" Sephy just stared at him. "There's a law that states that teachers can't be wrong!"

"Prove it." mini-Seph countered, gesturing toward the speaking teacher. "Do something 'bad'," he did the little quote thingy with his fingers, "so as to prove her theory."

"Her what?" Zell asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Her point…" Sephy said under his breath. Zell continued to keep his eyebrow quirked. "Look," the ex-general stated. "Just do something the teacher wouldn't like, and see if the sky turns red." Understanding, Zell ran up to the teacher.

"Ms. Anderson!" the future fist-fighter cried, tugging her skirt. "Seph says that you're wrong!" Sephy's eyebrow twitched slightly. Oh, this day just keeps getting better and better for our beloved ex-general, doesn't it?

Ms. Anderson looked to the chibified man. "He does?" she asked Zell in one of those sweet and innocent voices people use when they're really pissed off but don't want to show it just to lead people into a false sense of security.

"Yep!" the blonde replied, nodding his head and crossing his arms, believing himself to be a smart person, for once.

"Well, Sephiroth…" the teacher said, voice cold. "Do something bad for the class." at this, the ex-general perked up. Was she serious? Did she really asked him, the bringer of Meteor, destroyer of Nibelheim, and ex-general of the most god-forsaken army on the planet, to do something bad! "We're waiting…" she muttered, gesturing to the sitting pupils.

A smirk spread across Sephy's features as he stood up and walked over to the back of the classroom, where his backpack lay. Now, the class turned and watched as the ex-general proceeded to dig through his bag of belongings. Soon, he had stood up and was facing the teacher. In his hand, was something that looked like a picture. A picture that could scare nearly anyone to their grave.

"BOW DOWN BEFORE IT!" Sephy cried showing the class a picture of Hojo. Now, the teacher, being the only one who truly knew the horrors that Hojo had committed while he worked at ShinRa, was the only one who screamed, while the class just stared questioningly at the silver-haired boy, not understanding at all.

(_In the counselor's office…_)

"Now…" the counselor stated, looking at the clipboard he had been given. "I will assume that you don't like your name very well…" the chibified ex-general said nothing as he continued to sit in the gray chair, looking up at the school counselor. This man was balding, and what little hair he had left was white, and his frame was thin, and on this day, he was wearing brown shorts and a white shirt, sandals, and yellow glasses sat upon his nose.

"I enjoy my name." the boy replied, now crossing his arms.

"Well… can I call you Seph?" the counselor asked, still looking at his clipboard.

"No. But, you may call me Sephiroth." the ex-general responded, temper still somewhat short after the teacher had thrown him in this room with this deranged man.

"Well then, Sephiroth…" the man continued, still staring at his clipboard while adjusting his glasses. "What drove you to bring in a picture of Professor Hojo today?"

"My pure and utter hate of that madman." at this, the counselor looked at the boy, quirking an eyebrow.

"And why do you hate him?" the counselor asked in that oh-so-annoying-'How-does-that-make-you-really-feel' tone, while placing the clipboard on his lap and looking at Sephiroth with bright blue eyes.

"And why do you persist in asking such idiotic questions?" the ex-general replied, crossing his arms.

"Because it's my job. Now… why do you hate Hojo?" the counselor continued, again.

"Do you want a full explanation?" the silver-haired boy asked, reaching the end of his patience.

"I would very much enjoy it," the counselor replied, flipping the page on his clipboard and readying his pencil.

"Well then I will give it to you," the strategically astounding ex-general replied, starting to flick his hair. "I hate Professor Hojo."

At this the counselor just somewhat stared at the boy. "That's all your going to say, isn't it?" the stoic boy nodded. "What would your parents have to say about that?"

"… 'just stay out of my way and I'll let you live.'" he replied, quoting Hojo. The balding man just stared at the boy.

"Well… we'll just have to call them now, won't we?" the chibified man just stared at the counselor, eyebrow quirked. Now, not only was Hojo dead, and his supposed mother was destroyed, but Cloud had been placed as his legal guardian.

"Call… Cloud?" the ex-general pondered, cupping his chin in a gloved hand. Now, while the wonderful chibified god sat in a haze of confusion, the school counselor called up his 'parents.'

(_Sometime later…_)

A total of seven people, somewhat randomly, entered the building. One of them was the 'Great hero' himself, and the others… were just kind of pink… the blonde leader of Avalanche led them into the main office, dropped the pink people off, and went into the counselor's office.

Upon entering the office, he found the chibified ex-general staring up at him with these humongous, questioning eyes. And Cloud, being the kind of person that he was, just quirked an eyebrow and stared at the boy.

"Mr. Strife," the counselor stated, placing the clipboard on the desk and looking up to the man, folding his hands neatly. The blonde idiot, extremely confused at this moment, looked stupidly to the school official. "It appears that your son has been having some emotional issues."

It took a moment for Cloud to register the information, but soon, he realized what the counselor had meant. "MY WHAT!" the hero howled, his voice echoing throughout all of Costa Del Sol.

The counselor, whom casually disregarded how the question was stated, pushed up his glasses and replied thusly, "Yes, your son seems to have received emotional trauma regarding Hojo." Cloud, being Cloud, just stared at the therapist with his eyebrow quirked. "If you wouldn't mind having a seat." the man said, gesturing to the empty chair beside Sephy.

As the hero sat down, he glanced at the silver-haired boy, whom he thought would be snickering. But instead, he saw the boy paler than the ghosts he fought at the train graveyard in Midgar. And the ex-general was tearing at his gloves and twitching insanely. Not something the blonde expected at all.

"As I was saying…" the therapist stated, pushing up his glasses again. "Your son has received an aggressive emotional concerns towards Professor Hojo." Cloud nodded, deciding to play the role of Sephy's father. "Do you remember telling him anything of Hojo?"

The blonde thought back to meeting the boy, then through every demented adventures he had forced Cloud to endure. Throughout everything they had done, he had, not even once, spoke/thought of Hojo. Slowly, the hero shook his head.

"Do you remember anyone talking to him about Hojo?" the counselor continued, peering over his glasses. Once again, Cloud thought back to every single adventure. He hadn't actually heard any conversations about Hojo either. Once again, the hero shook his head. The counselor nodded in response and scribbled something down on his pad. "Have you ever spoken to your son about your adventure?"

"No." both the ex-general and the ex-Shinra soldier replied simultaneously. The man looked at the two with an eyebrow quirked.

After about a minute of staring, the counselor began to speak again. "Now… why do you respond that way, Sephiroth?" he stated, looking to the boy.

The chibified ex-general just looked at the man and shook his head, running a hand through his silvery hair. "It's obvious that Strife would not talk to me about it." he said, looking up to the man.

Now, this caused the counselor to go out on a limb here, but… "Did you just state your father's last name in place of what you would normally call him?" he asked Sephy, pushing up his glasses.

"No." the boy replied, voice steady. "I always call him either Strife or Cloud."

"Never… Father?" the therapist questioned, leaning forward. The chibified man just shook his head. "Why not?" the counselor inquired further.

Becoming annoyed, the ex-general replied thusly: "I would never call Strife 'Father,' for that would tarnish the name."

Blinking, the shrink shook his head, realizing that this would take more time than originally thought. "It appears that your son has emotional issues surrounding his home life as well," he said, looking up to Cloud. "so I have no other choice than to issue a counselor to act as an observer for seven days."

"Wait…" the blonde replied, trying to make some sense of what just occurred. "Your going to send an observer to watch us for one week?"

In response, the therapist shook his head. "Not both of you, just your son. The other counselor and I will have a discussion, and then we will call you in when we can."

"Must we go through with this?" the ex-general stated, glaring at the man.

"Yes," the counselor replied, not skipping a beat.

"Then who will be the observer…?" Cloud asked, looking toward the man.

Chuckling slightly, the shrink just pressed a button on his phone and looked to the blonde. "You will have our foreign exchange student counselor." As he spoke, a girl about the age of Yuffie walked into the office. She wore an orange shirt with clips at the sides and a pair of goggles were about her neck. Upon her right arm was a strange orange armguard which went from the area above her elbow to her hand. On her left arm, there was a rather large glove, and a band above her elbow. Her shorts were green, a loose orange belt hung around them, while some armor and an item pack reached below the right leg. Her boots were strange, and rather large, with feathers which resembled fire hooked to them. Also, she had her blonde hair done up in a high pony-tail with large bangs in front and two braids going down her neck, which also had feathers in the end of them. Finally, she had two blue ribbons on the back of her shirt. Her green eyes smiled brightly as the counselor spoke her name.

"This is Rikku, she will be observing you for a week." Cloud could only stare at her in shock, imagining another Yuffie scenario. Sephy, on the other hand, hand turned around in his chair, not even bothering to look at her. Eventually, though, he turned around and saw her perky face staring at his, and screamed.

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**A/N:** Okay. Yeah. So now we have Rikku, and anyone who guessed who it was before I said anything, gets to go another round on the Barbie shooting range! Yippee! Yeah, I know I over described her, and it probably would've been easier to use the X-2 version and stuff, but she's scary. So, you get what you got. So too bad. Yeah. Just review and there will be continuations… maybe...


	20. What a Horrible Day! Part I

A/N: Sorry it's been so long to update. I just, well… I think I have ADHD, so be quiet! I get distracted easily and I had a ton of essays to write! And my pool of humor kind of dried up and I'm trying to make it live again.  
Chapter name: What a horrible day! Part I Story Summary: It's been a year since METEOR and everyone has returned, or made a new, home. Cloud opens his door one day to find…  
Chapter Summary: Things aren't going well for Sephy-kun today. It's like everyone is out to make it horrible. -weeps-  
Rating: PG-13 for mild language and all around demented-ness Disclaimer: Don't own Final Fantasy VII or anything mentioned within the game. Squaresoft does. OR Barbie for that matter… Nor do I own the FFVIII characters, I just chibified them. Nor do I on any Barbie products (I created some of the names, don't worry, if they are real, I'm scared). And… I do not own Rikku, she is a FFX character and is property of SquareEnix.  
Warning: WAAH! SCISSORS! PINK PEOPLES! YUFFIE! STAMPEDE! I'M SCARED! -screams-  
Another A/N: I know this isn't what I normally write, but I'm out of Cloud bashing ideas. Yes, shocking I know, but as I said, my humor pool is having a drought. Also, though I wish to make Rikku get involved, she can only watch and take notes, nothing else, I just really don't want to, that's all.  
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It was just another normal day at school for the formerly tall, stoic general as he sat at his desk and finished coloring in a lined paper completely with pencil, the fifth one he had done that day, and then made it into a paper hat and gave it to Zell, whom readily placed the fifth hat on his head. In other words, as the ex-general placed his chin in his hands and let out a long sigh, it was another boring day where something annoying would happen. He had been waiting all morning, not even noticing the blonde counselor following him like a shadow, as was promised, and was becoming agitated. Finally his waiting was over when he worked on his ninth paper, and got himself a paper cut. He stared as the blood oozed out of the small cut on his finger. In fact, he couldn't stare at anything but the cut. And as the teacher walked by, while Chibi-Sephy was staring at his finger, she let out a frightened scream.

"SEPHIROTH! GO TO THE NURSE IMIDDIATLY!" she screeched like a harpie, causing Sephy to hold his head in agony. Silently, as he walked out of the class, he cursed his mako sensitive hearing, and he cursed Hojo again. And just about as silently as the ex-general, Rikku followed.

As the chibified ex-general entered the infirmary, he noticed an extremely bored looking dude sitting in a chair. This guy was about twenty, tops, and had black hair that cascaded down his shoulders and stopped at his elbows and bright green eyes that stared at nothing, really. He wore a white shirt and blue jeans and he was absent mindedly twirling a pencil in between his fingers. As the ex-general took in the features of this man, he realized how much he seemed like Zack at a board meeting, completely bored and unable to do anything about it. Sephy quirked an eyebrow and noticed a nametag on the man's shirt. It read: 'Bobathon, School Nurse.' 'Bobathon….?' he thought to himself. 'Who in their right mind would name their child Bobathon!' as soon as he finished that thought though, his mind produced images of Hojo, Scarlet, Heidegger, and-

He smacked his head, not wanting to lose his lunch, if it could be called a lunch- it was more like a sip of water and nothing else, but he didn't want to think those thoughts! Oh, but he thought them anyway. 'GO AWAY!' he mentally shouted, now pounding his head continuously. "Umm…." a voice above the small chibified warrior stated, causing him to stop smacking his head and look up and quirk an eyebrow inquisitively. There stood 'Bobathon,' towering over the small, silver-haired boy, staring down at him blankly. "Little girl," the words stabbed him like the Wutain warlord's sharpened blade, "do you need something"

At first, the ex-general could only stare up and the man, reminiscing about a time when no one would even think of calling him a 'little girl,' for fear that he would slash them to bits with his Masamune. But oh, the nerve of this man, calling him a little girl as if he really was a little girl. He clenched his small, ungloved hands tightly. Then, for a moment, he thought about how he looked. Well, he was in a pair of blue pants and wearing a white shirt, and his hair was tied up tightly with a pink hair band, as done earlier that morning by Kelly. Carefully, the chibified man reached a hand up to a lock of hair, which had fallen out of its secure placement in the band, and began to twirl it around his finger agitatedly. "Little girl," the nurse said again, causing the boy to pull the hair from his head rather forcefully, "I'm a very busy man. If you don't need anything, could you please leave?" The once psychotic man bent on sucking the energy from the planet heard himself growling. His fists clenched and unclenched, and he looked up to 'Bobathon.' "I… am not…" he spoke, his voice a harsh whisper. "… a… little…" he could feel himself losing control, oh it was just slipping through his little fingers. "GIRL!" he cried, jumping onto the much taller man and bringing him to the ground. He could feel the drool dripping out of his mouth as he struggled to reach his hands around the much bigger neck to effectively strangle him.

"OM MY GOD!" the nurse cried out in shock. "YOU HAVE RABIES!" his cry of shock brought the boy under control. Silently, he stood up, simultaneously wiping the spittle from his lips. He shot a glare to the trembling man that lay on the floor and walked out. And Rikku followed, as silent as a shadow.

Sephy walked quickly and agitatedly, his hair bouncing up and down and thoroughly annoying him, passing all the classrooms until he reached his own. He reached his hand up and let it rest upon the doorknob, taking a deep breath and preparing to face his classmates and delusional teacher. Then, he was prepared, and he began to turn the knob when… the dismissal bell rang. Why, why, oh why was the planet being so cruel to him today? Poor, poor, chibified Sephiroth. He was run over by millions of little feet. Tiny, little feet, and then the teacher's large, high-heeled shoes, with an extremely pointed heel, all rushing over him. As the stampede ended, the boy pulled himself up using the broken doorway. Angrily, he glanced around for Rikku, realizing that the stupid counselor could have helped him. Surprisingly, he couldn't find her. Agitatedly, Chibi-Sephy wiped off his school clothes and walked inside the classroom. He grabbed his back-pack from the floor beside his desk and dragged it behind him as he walked into the hallway. As he neared the exit of the building, he saw none other than Rikku, talking with none other than Yuffie. At first, he didn't think anything of it, since all those feet nearly stopped the blood flow to his brain, the blonde student councilor talking to the Wutain materia thief with bandages wrapped around her head. In fact, he barely even noticed them.

The ex-general trudged by them, his back slumped and his eyes twitching, and then she noticed him. Expert materia hunter Yuffie Kisaragi was in the middle of some strange gesture, when she saw Sephy walk by. She froze completely, then turned and watched as he reached the exit of the building and began to push on the door.

"YOU!" the ninja screamed, pointing an accusing finger at the chibified Sephiroth, whom froze at her voice. "Calling me a brown chicken! WELL I'LL SHOW YOU MY BROWN CHICKEN FIST!" with that, the mater obsessed girl ran toward the boy, who was in absolutely no condition to fight (with the feet, and the guy, and the little tiny cut on his finger…), with her hands in the air and poised for attack. So, he dideth runeth.

"Hmm… interesting…" Rikku said as she took a bit of a jelly filled donut that somehow appeared in her hand while writing something down on her clipboard. Hastily, Chibi-Seph pushed open the door and ran outside, the chick-a-doo still chasing him. He darted through crowds of shoppers, tourists, Cloud obsessers, and then kids from his class, the evil ninja o' DOOM on his tail. Suddenly, he stopped and turned around, his brain finally realizing something. Ducking under Yuffie's legs, he ran over to the children.  
The group itself consisted of Selphie, Zell, Squall, and Seifer. Zell was still wearing the paper hats on his head, covering them with his hands, since it appeared that Seifer had taken one and was trying to take the other ones while calling Zell names. Squall was kind of staring off into space in is usual silent way, while twitching occasionally, and Selphie had apparently sniffed one too many pixy sticks because she was braiding the stoic boy's hair.

Chibi-Seph took a deep breath and ran into the center of the group while pointing at Yuffie yelling, "LOOK! A MEMBER OF AVALANCHE!" This caught the children's attention, and their eyes followed the silver-haired boy's ungloved, pale finger to the Wutain thief. And that did it, they all stopped - Zell put down his arms, causing his hats to fall off, Seifer threw the hat he was holding into Zell's face, Selphie hopped up and down and pointed at Yuffie, and Squall just nodded - then they all tackled Yuffie.  
"I'LL GET YOU!" Yuffie screamed as Sephiroth continued to run.

The chibified psycho laughed maniacally as he watched the ninja be smashed into the ground by millions of fans, kids, and random people. Unfortunately, he wasn't looking where he was going and ran right into the door of Cloud's house. Shakily, he pushed himself off of the door, and shook his head. Sephy was beginning to wish that he could have his old body back, if only to get some coffee without having a sugar high and something worse than a hangover the next day, and to open a stupid door without using a damn string!  
Angrily, he knocked on the door. After about five seconds, he knocked even harder. Oh, this was not his day and he did not want to have to subject himself to crawling through a damned window! Twitching, he glanced over at the huge crowd around Yuffie, where screams for autographs could be heard and her yelling was droned out by them. He growled, not being able to take pleasure in her torture.

Sephiroth glared at his finger, where the cut had nearly vanished. "It's all your fault, damnit." he said through clenched teeth, not noticing that Rikku now stood next to him. "Maybe if Strife didn't steal my gloves none of this ever would have happened…" his eyebrow twitched and he ran a hand through his silvery hair. Sighing, he looked back to the crowd. "What is a 'brown chicken' anyway? And why in Mother's name am I talking to myself?" he asked himself confusedly.  
The chibified ex-general shot to attention as the door opened, seeing none other than the young Kelly at the door. Sighing again, he walked inside, followed by Rikku, and watched as Kelly shut the door.

"Sephy," the blonde child clothed entirely in pink said in her oh-so-annoying voice, "Where's your ribbon?" she then pointed at the boy's hair, which was almost completely out of its band and already fluffing around his face. Without warning the ex-ShinRa employ smacked his head and let his head rest in his hand.

"You know Sephy," Kelly continued. "You're bangs are really really really long!" At this point, he lifted his head and quirked his eyebrow. The girl put her hand in her pocket, and pulled out a pair of scissors. "They're really really really REALLY long!" Sephiroth's eye twitched. Yes, the Planet must be torturing him today, that was the only explanation.

(A few hours later)

The blonde Avalanche leader walked into the house, wondering why there was a huge crowd outside his house. Barbie and her sisters followed him in, for he had gone grocery shopping with them and did not trust them with his life. As he flipped on the light, he saw something similar to what he had seen soon after he had met the small boy named Sephiroth. The wallpaper was scratched and peeling, with freshly made holes in it, the carpet was ripped up here and there, all the furniture was scratched up, and there were a few bloodstains. With his eye twitching, Cloud walked to Sephiroth's room, where the door was off of its hinges, and turned on the light. There he saw Kelly tied up and clippings of her blonde hair on the floor around her. And behind the tied up girl was Sephiroth, who had a pair of scissors lodged into his forehead, was wide awake, rocking back and forth and his eye twitching. Kind of creeped out, the hero walked out of the room and went over to the phone, dialing 911.

As he waiting for the other side to pick up he watched as the five girls put the groceries away and then he noticed Rikku, writing something down on her clipboard. Suddenly he had a horrible thought, if this was only day one of the counselor's observation- what was the rest of the week going to be like!

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A/N: I was going to make this chapter longer, but I've gone so long without updating this fic that I thought it deserved another divided chapter, besides I ran out of ideas. -sweat drop- This chapter's humor sucks a lot. But whatever, be happy! Yeah… -coughs- review if you really want to see more, don't worry Sephy only has one bad day. Yeah… -coughs again-


	21. What a Horrible Day! Part II

A/N: It's official, no more author appearances. It throws off the whole random storyline. Different approach to this chapter, Sephiroth PoV because, well, it's his bad day and he deserves every single thought in it. So there. Oh, and sorry for the shortness…

Chapter Name: What a Horrible Day! Part II

Chapter Summary: Well, that poor little chibified man gets a whole bunch more problems… and a little case of delirium…

Rating: PG 13; why? I dunno…. I'm just going with it

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from FFVII or its affiliating games, Squaresoft owns the good FFVII, Square-Enix FFX, Some toy company owns Barbie and her compatriots; oh, but I do own some other things here –innocent face -

Warning: Reality confusion/warped mind; and don't forget a doctor or two O-o

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Green eyes looked about the white washed walls, knowing what awaited him. No – he was past the point of wondering. Past the point of random speculation and delirity brought on by blood loss. He just knew.

And though his memory failed him on how exactly he arrived in this horrendous place of memory, that knowledge didn't matter. Because- BECAUSE!!

…

He knew.

Sephiroth, like the insane man he grew up to become, so looooooong ago (you know, like his hair), sat in pious position before the malicious looking poster of a needle on the wall behind him. The seats about him were practically empty, save for the sniffling pink-wearing, blonde, all-around idiotic Kelly a mere hand span away. Oh, and let's not forgot the other moronic blonde crouching on the ground before him with those mako induced eyes of his and staring up at that accursed pair of scissors lodged within his forehead.

Oh, but those didn't matter any more. They were past the point of mattering.

Because Sephiroth knew. He knew what awaited beyond that long corridor of – of – TORTURE!

Ah, but no, he wouldn't fall for that. He wouldn't be pulled away from the warmth of his own blood like a sniveling dog down to the corridors of Hojo's laboratory. NAY! This general wasn't just a normal general! HE WAS THE BEST!!! Who did Hojo think he was?? Forcing him to wait here like some malformed chocobo awaiting treatment from a vet. PHA! That deranged monkey would have to come out here and force Sephiroth into that coffin to be spliced with this child! How the President could allow that madman's work to continue was beyond the silver-haired man's mind!

Honestly, he had somehow – between the course of retrieving his sword from that madman's presence and falling unconscious after Scarlet's attack and those two morons raiding his more personal items(O,o sounds similar to: Sephiroth and the Masamune…) – been turned into a smaller version of himself by Hojo's malicious intentions! How could a two and a half-foot foot nothing strike fear into the hearts of the planet??

IT JUST DIDN'T WORK THAT WAY!!!!

Hmph.

And who was this idiot at his feet like some concerned parent? Well not, mind you, that Sephiroth was so irritated by the fact that someone was at his feet, ready to be walked on; more in the manner of those SOLDIER green eyes that said: 'you're not very bright, are you?' As if he were as moronic as a green recruit!!!!

Ugh, ShinRa had been becoming desperate if all the new SOLDIERS were similar to this one. Pha. The silver-haired general had too much dignity to speak with such a lowly life form as – hey!

The godly head of the general swiveled to the small child that had thrown the paper cup to the sharp object protruding, now, from his head. The small boy smirked and waved his middle finger at the man as his other arm lay limp and motionless in a battered trashcan. Annoying brat! How dare they believe that it was alright to throw garbage at he – the strongest man in existence!!! URG! What were parents thinking now-a-days???

…

…

AND WHAT WAS A CHILD DOING IN THE SHINRA LABORATORIES!?!?!

… another experiment perhaps? Well… that would explain the insolence.

Resuming his stance, the general awaited the madman's appearance in utmost stoicacy. And as he turned back to stare down the looming corridor, his green eyes caught those of a strange looking woman, whose own green gaze was a swirl of emerald colors, but he chose to ignore her. Obviously, she was another experiment, but she deserved no more attention than she had already received.

"Seph, are you even going to look at me?" came a strangely familiar voice from beneath the feet of the silver-haired man, coincidentally ending his train of thought before it began.

Such impudence! Addressing him by a casual nick-name without even having the respect to include a simple 'sir' in his words! Who did this man think he was: Zachary?? Well, perhaps, an acquaintance of Zachary's… speaking of Zachary, where in the planet was that incomptent fool?? Knightblade… one of these days… he was going to feel the brunt of Sephiroth's anger.

An annoyed sigh escaped the form of the person below him. "Seph, I know you're probably a little angry, but, come on." A _little _angry…? Perchance this person was actually Zachary's relative, being so utterly reliant on independent thought and all. Especially when that independent thought was completely moronic.

"The doctor called us in an hour ago but you haven't moved in inch." Inwardly, the silver-haired man smirked. Ah, yes, the sweet doctor… that madman would not be able to entice Sephiroth into journeying down that corridor if his very life depended on it.

"If you don't move, I'm going to pick you up." …?

At the words, the general felt his brows furrow. Now who would be so idiotic as to attempt to pick up the general of the ShinRa Arm-

The world spun for a moment, and there was a feeling of weightlessness.

For a moment, the silver-haired man blanched.

But, before the general could even think to contain his anger, he snapped at the SOLDIER that had just flung him onto a bare shoulder. "PUT ME DOWN YOU INSOLENT FOOL!!" The small arms and legs that now made up the greatest portion of Sephiroth's body thrashed and kicked, but it did not good as he was taken down the corridor of torture and death.

And as the blonde-haired man strode forward, holding down his obvious superior, Sephiroth growled deep in his throat. A growl of rage and bloodlust. Mostly, though, he directed it at the scissors lodged in his brain, obviously stopping all coherent strategic and coherent thought from reaching any portion of his those working sections of his brain.

There was no means of escape.

Whiteness surrounded the silver-haired general, coming from all sides, above, below, left, right, center, floating cards, spinning tops, bubble gum fairies… they were all there… mocking him.

A wave of dizziness crashed over him as the blonde man carried the small boy deeper into the labyrinth of twisted mayhem and death. And soon, the whiteness and those hallucinations, faded into the darkness of slumber.

But on coherent thought echoed through the silver-haired man's mind, one simple thought.

'Zachary's petulance for men of greater stature and lesser intelligence than even he has led to a remarkable ingenuity of falsified idiocy as a façade for the general populace of ShinRa… I think I finally understand…'

A/N: Ooopsss… looks like this day isn't over yet… but, being one who hasn't updated in what, well over a year? I guess, maybe I should just keep you guessing. I really don't know what happened to me, but now I'm back. Not like I once was, but, trust me, the next chapter will be more… Demented Child-esc in the sense of Sephiroth driving Cloud to the very pits of insanity. Well… only if you all review….


	22. Shot Down

A/N: Hrrmmm… really strange chapter…

Chapter Name: Shot Down

Chapter Summary: Is Sephy's day finally turning around…?

Rating: PG; Because I say so, and I want it to be

Disclaimer: BLAH! I said I don't own it! ANY OF IT!! MWAH!! … especially not the Odyssey, as if I were Homer. Pfft.

Warnings: Needles; random evil dementedness – but isn't that to be expected?

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Cloud knew it. This boy, this deranged Sephiroth-wannabe that had weasled into his life, was trying to kill him. Be it with the maid he had been forced to hire, the sudden obsession Tifa gained from the kid, the random tag-alongs from the elementary school, or the weird Yuffie-e lady that was –essentially – spying on them, he knew the kid was killing him.

And especially when the silver-haired minified little pretty boy was asleep. Because, the chocobo-head could hear the whispers of evil coming from him. Like right now. Those murmurs waay to low for a child to speak. And I mean waaay. Like Sephiroth total uchi-mama I'm back to life sexy baritone thing. Yeah. Except Cloud didn't think it was too sexy, what with he being one of those, you know, anti-Sephiroths… he's an evil person inside. How dare he hate Sephiroth… ahem. Continuing….

As Cloud hobbled down the seemingly endless corridor, the little boy faar to heavy for how small he was – giving Cloud a hopelessly idiotic limp, the evil murmur-snores of evil intent met his ears, echoing across the walls… in evilness. You know, doomy evilness. The good kind of evilness… but wait, is there any other kind of evilness than the good kind…? Thought not. Ha! And as the moronic wielder of the Ultima Weapon began to limp under the strain of Shibi-Seph's amazing weight (it's his hair, we all know it is) he felt strange shudders of fear go through him at the words the boy spoke.

"Kill all humans," the murmur was followed by a snore. "Burn water formations," another snore followed, but this one much more soft. "Shave the chocobos," snore snore. "Mutilate the snow-storm wannabes." snore snore. "Eat pumpkins." There was silence for a minute, before Chibi-Seph continued, as if sensing the sudden impending dread that was Cloud stiffening. "Mhu hmgn hhnn."

The sudden incoherentness drew his bemused attention. Blinking away his confusion (wow, that'll take years!), the water-formation named man turned his blonde spikey head to face the little boy. And not a moment too soon, for cat-like eyes were glinting up at him with _eviillll_ intentions. And, before aforementioned Cloud man could even state the obvious, again, or say something completely out of place – like let's mosey – teeth bit into him. And hard.

Now, be it well defined that Chibi-Sephy is utter awesomeness with his abilities of biting – that being because no child at the age of six could possibly bite through a hero's shoulder blade. Especially the 'great' hero's shoulder blade until he cried out in pain and fell to the floor. But, Cloud was too idiotic and must've thought pretty minified Sephy-kuns was some sort of tehddy bear. A very awesome, adorable, huggable, squishable, glompable, shmexy tehddy bear. Yeah… must've temporarily forgotten that he thought the kid was demented and deranged as he clung to Sephy the Tehddy. Oh look! Someone's coming!

Indeed. Someone, specifically a he, was coming down the hall. He practically sashayed his way over to where Chibi-Sephy was biting off Cloud's shoulder, and didn't seem to notice the fact of the famous sword-wielder writhing in pain against the incredulously strong jaw of Sephiroth! Sha!

Rikku, though, being the observant little counselor-ma-follower-thing she was, carefully took note of Chibi-Seph's aggressive behavior… and Cloud's complete submissiveness. Well, technically speaking, he didn't voluntarily submit to writhe in pain against the random, out-of-nowhere sexy man jaw power-bite. One could argue that it was instinct… but, ha! Who would say that Cloud in fact _didn't_ submit to the awesome poweress of a power-bite? No one! HA! That's who! No, not Noh Bohdy (1), like Odysseus in the Odyssey, but literally: NO ONE! MWAH!

But, back to the story at hand: where Sephy's godly little boy teeth-jaw-power were kindly giving Nibel wolves a run for their moneyz… or gil… whatever. And, as minified Sephy practically choked on Cloud's downright disgusting flesh – seriously, does he ever shower? – the sauntering/skipping/whatever-the-crap he was doing man found it in his place to trip over them.

Of course, not being the all, 'oh, what's this?' trippiness, more around the lines of 'OMG! WTF?! WTH?!?!' all whilst falling on face… or, in this case, falling on clouds… and chibified godly gods of yore.

Anyway, enough of author ranting: NOW FOR PLOT!

As the unidentified man stood, brushing himself off, he blearily looked around the all for a moment, as if just now realizing he was not where he thought he was. Like, I don't know – a bed? Hmm, yes… beedd…. murmph…

And as sleepy eyes looked from the blonde man with his shoulder being bitten off by a very angrified little silver-haired boy (Not to mention that the blonde had the name tag: 'Savior of EVERYTHING, a.k.a. Cloud Strife,' stapled to his shirt for some reason and the little boy had a pair of scissors lodged in his forehead. Yep, no need to mention.) he noticed too the blonde woman seemingly taking notes as she watched their antics, I suppose they could be called. The rather oblivious man looked back down to the duo though, and something finally clicked within his sleep-induced brain.

"Hey!" he called, drawing the attention of two pairs of mako eyes, one with slitted pupils and another with well… normal ones. And as Almight minified Seph looked up to the strange man, whose presence hadn't been noticed when he fell onto the two men (for some reason that should coincide with the story inserted here!), his gaze locked with a familiar nametag, read earlier that day, of the one and only 'Bobathon.' Immediately, the coil of anger flicked at Sephy and the chibified almost-god god gave him an evil glare, included with a growl. A very evviilll growl.

The man loomed over them, all loomeh and stuffz, and pointed a stern finger at the blonde hero. "You shouldn't be terrorizing small children!" came the cry, near hysterical. Sephy, realizing, that this man was oblivious to their past relation, even though no one else on the planet could look like Sephy in his adorable shmexyness, and quickly formulated a plot. Yes, the ex-general godly man that he used to be (and still is at heart!), decided to use this righteous anger to his full advantage.

Releasing Cloud, and simultaneously wiping his mouth with the back of his hand (he need lot's mouth wash now… yuckeh! Cloud skin taste!), Sephiroth turned his big, adorable, green eyes to the school nurse. Decidedly, the man wasn't supposed to be there. You know, being a school nurse and all… but, nonetheless he was there, and little Sephy-kuns was about to extort the 'working with children' aspect of this certain Bobathon's life to the fullest extent.

The fury that was Bobathon standing over Cloud soon melted at the sight of Sephy, gently cooing at him those little know-nothing nonsense you babble at children in that tone of voice that only baby-talk can bring. For, as the silver-haired boy looked upon him, his green, slitted eyes glistened with tears (compliments of Cloud's skin… yuckeh… whose eyes and mouth wouldn't burn at its taste!?) and were wide against the pale skin, looking all the adorable and innocence that Sephy's inner child truly was… when it wasn't dancing with a Tornberry with his Hojo killing knife.

Gingerly, the man bent down, scooping the little ex-general in his arms. For a moment, Sephiroth allowed a smirk. That is, before he saw Cloud get to his feet and reach out a hand. He thrashed for a moment, but it was too late.

The scissors had been pulled.

Looking triumphant, the savior of the planet held the blood-covered blades to the ceiling, as if awaiting for someone to cheer him. Only…

Well, Bobathon gently placed a fresh bandaide on the not-so-much bleeding wound on Sephy's forehead, before letting him back to the floor. He patted the boys back for a moment before turning on Cloud, hands digging in his pockets. And then, the school nurse pulled out a deadly-looking must-be-directly-Hojo-type-DOOM syringe from his pocket.

Cloud, too lost in his stupor of, well, being an idiot, didn't notice the man with the very scary looking needle. Actually, he didn't even seem to notice Bobathon until said man had begun wiping hand sanitizer on his arm. Well, because he didn't want to get his scary needle of death and doom dirty.

Yet, when the evil pokey thing that was the shot of some strange purpley liquid that I failed to mention earlier, Cloud screamed. A deathly scream! A girly scream! A Cloudy scream! But, being the idiot that he was, didn't do a thing about it and was injected whatever was in the gigantamongous needle and soon fell back to the floor, scissors stabbing his evil little Sephiroth killing hands as he did so.

And, at this point, the school nurse gestured for said minified man to leave. "Go on now, little boy," he said, already pulling out his needle and preparing another one. "You can wait out there and the doctor will see him shortly."

In victory, Chibi-Sephy smirked, his evil sexy I-know-I-won-now-worshi-me-smirks, before turning and heading back down the hallway. Perhaps today was getting better… the idiot Bobathon hadn't called him a little girl again… a doom-inducing chuckle came to his lips, evil as always. Except, it was still all little boyee, and not to fear-inducing, really just, kind of eyebrow quirking.

But, that wasn't his point. Sephiroth, now back from his temporary hiatus of memory lapsing, was laughing his evil laugh™. And no one could stop him. NO ONE!

Except for the pink women that crowded the hallway, looking at his bandaged head expectantly. They all seemed to sigh in relief, except Kelly, at the sight.

"I was scared," admitted Skipper, wiping away the faint sheen of sweat that had built there. "I thought you'd never be pink again – only red!"

"Yeah!" the whole of Barbie's family echoed.

A silver eyebrow quirked at their antics, but he recalled a certain rule… a certain rule that said he could do whatever he liked as long as he wore pink… the smirk grew wider and the laugh more evil.

And Rikku documented it all.

- - -

1 – In order to trick a Cyclops on his journey, Odysseus deceived him by telling the mythical creature that he was Noh Bohdy, and when the Cyclops realized Odysseus had tricked him and stolen his meal, he called for aid, yelling 'Noh Bohdy tricked me.' Yeah… now you know

A/N: Hey, did you know minified is actually a word? O,o I knowz! But, enough distractedness – Sephy's day finally _does_ turn around! And, though I'm rather disappointed that only one of you allz reviewed last chappie, I guess I'll let it slide. This chapter was good randomness for me. WOO! Review all please!


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